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Rating: 3-3-3

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RPF* Real Person Fiction; IE Apping an actual celebrity

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Thread Contributor: Belle Scarlet StreetNot the smartest idea tag: arjay
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#1
Belle was...pretty drunk. She shouldn't have been not with how much she'd actually drunk but...that's what happens when you hardly eat for two days. So after theoretically have been left virtuously in her bed...Belle found herself heading out the door and down the block to the Moon.

Why? Because...because DAmn it! She...she needed to talk to him!

Now if she’d been thinking clearly Belle would have been horrified at her actions, but here she was not quite staggeringly drunk but damn close to it! “Arjay!” she knew where he would be, Belle opened the back door with easy familiarity.

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#2
Belle knew him quite well, and she would find that yes, Arjay was awake, and was indeed relaxing in the back room of the inn. In that case, she was completely successful.

As she pushed open the door, Arjay roused in the chair that he was reclining in. He was dressed quite comfortably in simple pants and a linen shirt. His feet were up on the stool across from him, and he moved with a stiffness that said he could have been there for hours immobile. He really might have been sitting still there for that long, too, judging by the tiny infant lying curled against his chest under a warm blanket, her little face scrunched up as she made those cute little baby noises as tiny eyes opened to see what was disturbing her glorious domain from her royal nap using Daddy as a bed.

Arjay cocked an eyebrow at first, then smiled as he very carefully stood up, brushing his finger over her chubby little cheek to try to lull her back to sleep. “Hello, Belle,” he said, gesturing her into the room. “This is a pleasant surprise, I didn’t think you’d be the one coming to see me this time.”
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#3
Baby.

Belle had thought about the possibility that as a new (ish) dad Arjay might be with his daughter...except her drunk brain objected that if he was a damn god he would have her WITH him would he! Like Sune!

Visibly belle melted, she couldn’t resist a baby, and she’d never seen the tiny one yet - “is she sleepin?” Belle shook her head realizing the state she was in, what she planned on doing and what she walked in on. Anger replaced the naked want in her unguarded expression.

No. Damn it! Not fair!

Belle took a deep breath “good night.” And stormed out, careful to close the door silently behind her.

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#4
Well damn. Arjay watched the door close, then sighed, sitting back down. "Just sleep, Mel'inde. That's just one of Daddy's friends who wants to castrate him, nothing for you to worry about, little love." Settling in with the baby, he rolled his eyes, steeled himself, and cast a spell.

Outside, as Belle stormed away, Arjay appeared next to her. It was just an illusory projection again, but it was real enough for the purposes she'd come for. "You know, if you came here with something to say to me, she's far too young to understand the words that I deserve yet. Well, that and I could just silence the air around her so that you could shout at your leisure." Yes, this was Arjay again... grimly stepping up to meet his fate with a quip and a face ripe to be slapped. "It really would be a shame if you came all this way and drank all that..." He sniffed the air quietly for a moment, "Whiskey? Just to not say your peace that you deserve to say."
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#5
Belle bristled, if she was a cat her back fur would have been standing straight up. The red head took a deep breath before she turned “I will never yell or bring hurtful emotions near that little angel.” Not because she was a godling but simply because belle would never bring that engere near any baby.

As to his second point- “You left me.” Ok not exactly what she’d meant to open with, but there it was, raw and exposed as her wounded heart.

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#6
At the mention of the baby, even if he’d been the one who brought her up, Arjay couldn’t help smiling slightly in reflex. “Very well, I concede that point.” Yes, he would have just set her in her crib in the other room, but this wasn’t the time to argue semantics. This was the time for him to shut the nine hells up and take the blows that were coming to him.

And the first blow obviously stabbed deep. “Yes, I did,” he admitted reluctantly. “I’d hurt you. I’d made the entire situation go from bad to worse to near pandemonium, and in all honesty? I couldn’t see any way that my continued presence was going to do anything but keep hurting you. It…” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to explain at all what he’d done to the woman that had been wronged by it. “When the entire problem was that I’d set out before you something I couldn’t ever give you to your satisfaction, would staying and comforting you have helped? Would it have just put you more under love’s spell? It seemed to me that that would just be compounding the harm I’d already done. The only thing I could see to do was to leave you with someone I thought I could trust to care for you without taking advantage of your vulnerable state. I hadn’t even been able to decide when would be a good time to see you again without making matters worse.” He looked back up at her, his expression frank and open. “I was in a situation where there really seemed no acceptable choice, and that was entirely my fault. For everything that’s happened, that night and since? Nine hells, even before that? I’m sorry, Belle. With everything I am, I’m sorry.”
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#7
It hurt to look at him. It pounded in her veins and through her heart, acid poison of what would never be and everything they’d lost. Because there was no way to go back to just friends, there was no way for Belle to trust innocently, to again feel comfortable in his company alone.

she loved him.

And it hurt.

She’d cried so much the last days, yet somehow her body still produced more, filling her stricken blue eyes.

you left me.” Him, her friend, the man she could ask for advice, her confidante in the madness that was her life. He had gone, leaving behind a stranger, someone she’d never again spend a easy evening getting drunk and reminiscing, or sharing advice or a sympathetic ear. It wasn’t his fault, but the pain of that loss throbbed deep in her soul.

And worse-

“I hate myself for it.” For falling in love with a man who couldn’t love her back, who had a family, who had a literal goddess.

Standing before him Belle felt all her anger at him shivevel up, vanishing into the yawning pit of self loathing that Queth and Pete had almost managed to banish. Belle’s nails dug into the skin of her forearms, heedless of the redmarks she scored into herself. Pain outside to try and dull the agony with in.

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#8
Every profession of her pain was like a knife in his chest, and thanks to his nature this was both figurative and literal. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, honestly, because he didn’t quite understand what she meant. Was he really that different now? Had he changed and not known it? Or had he just made himself change in her eyes through his actions, never to return to what he had been? Not for the first time in his life, he considered that there was simply something defective about his heart, that he might possibly not be capable of love like other people were, because to him, there was always a way back. It may involve awkwardness that needed to be worked through, but you could always come back, find that place where you were both happy without being foolish enough to try to take it further. Was that what made him a good god of Heartbreak? The ability to not be hurt like a real person was? He had to consider that perhaps this was so.

“There’s nothing to hate yourself for, Belle,” he said, though he feared that his words would fall on deaf ears. “We feel how we will, we want what we will want, and we love where love is caused to bloom. In all the times that you made it clear that you wouldn’t be happy with what I could offer you, perhaps I should have taken the blasted hint and not kept acting on my own selfish feelings? That’s really the only fault at play here. I took your affections when I knew I should not, and drew you in where you would be inevitably hurt. If I hadn’t happened now, it would have happened later when I couldn’t be what you needed me to be. You certainly didn’t cause any affront to my family. Sune was all but thrusting us into each other… but as she’s told me before, she’s the goddess of all love, not just advisable love.” Because he did love her. He loved her passionately… but his curse (little though it was) was that he could never let one person wholly possess his heart.

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#9
Drunk. Emotional. Belle could blame a lot of things in the morning for her raw actions, in the end though it simply stripped away pretense, lies, politeness. It hurt. The worst was that she knew she had no call to feel this depth of loss; he’d never made her a promise, never intimated that there was more than friendly lust in his affection for her. Everything was on her side, SHE had let herself teeter on the edge, dance on the fragile edge of her own pathetic need to attach emotions too anyone -

Belle inhaled sharply, the realization driving needles into her lungs on every breath -

This wasn’t his fault. The onlyblame she could lay on his door was that he’d made her come to him, and even that? How could she say a word? “You were kind.” she whispered thickly around the lump closing her throat.

‘Goddess of all love’ Belle nodded, it made sense; she knew he loved her as a friend, and they had had more than one conversation about the fact that they had different moral standpoints on sex with friends.

So when she’d kissed him...what had she expected? What could he only assume?

The was part of her that cried out, wanting to be refuted, to hear that he loved her like she had found herself loving him, the rest of her self loathing heart buried that ridiculous thought. Even if he did say something...it would be pity speaking.

“I’m sorry.” She shouldn’t have come. Belle turned to go, she...she needed to leave, untill she could see him and not burst into tears like a useless lump of romantic trash.

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#10
He’d been kind, she said. He certainly didn’t feel kind, but he knew he’d tried to be, yes. “Of course I was kind,” he sighed, desperation creeping into his voice, “I love you. You’re wonderful, you’re kind, you’re beautiful, you probably have the purest heart I’ve ever seen. I can’t even think about you without wanting to make you forget about all of your other suitors. You are, quite honestly, what I spent centuries of my life looking for, and I’ve known that since the moment I met you.” He paused, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and starting to actually think about what he was saying. “And yet, I’ve pledged my troth to my faith. And while every desire in my mind screams at me to love you and prove to you how amazing you are until you find someone you can keep, I knew that you would never be able to just love for a while and then let go. It simply isn’t in your nature, and I should have held my selfish impulses in check.” He didn’t even try to stop her… how would he? He was an illusion, the real Arjay cradling his daughter in the inn behind them. “So no, Belle. I am sorry. You aren’t the one in the wrong here, you are the wronged party.”
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#11
She wanted to cry. Wait she already was.

He loved her. But not like she’d -

Damn it! It was unfair to put her feelings on him! Yes she felt like her heart was broken but how much could she honestly say was due to a broken heart romantically vs the depth of friendship she knew they’d lost.

“I don’t -“ she wanted to scream, collapse, because he knew this. “I don’t sleep with friends!” But he knew that.

Spent his whole life searching for? Confusion darkened her expression “but.” She drew back looking at him “I am your friend.”

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#12
“When, precisely, did I say anything about sex?” Arjay asked with a cocked eyebrow. “If this were simply about sex, there wouldn’t even be a slight issue at hand. I know many people who, desirable as they are, aren’t interested in me sexually, and that is perfectly fine. While I might enjoy a friendly tryst, it’s not especially difficult to get over when I know it isn’t going to happen. Please do me the favor of assuming that I’m not speaking of physical passion, then kindly go over my words again assuming I meant something much more.”
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#13
Belle shook her head: no he hadn’t not today but- her hand flapped out indicationing the past. “Our conversations-“ the implications had been clear to her at least that he’d happily bed her if she didn’t have the hang ups she did.

And he said as much now.

Only to take it back in the next breath. “Arjay-“ she took a shaking breath “ah can’t na tonight.-“ parse his double speak. “Tell me plain.“

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#14
“My point is that I might be weak to my passions,” Arjay said, “But I am a slave to love. I’ve done idiot things for love, even the smallest love, where I can just find some small thing to love about someone. But you, my dear? Well, as I said, you are the sort of woman that I’d looked for for centuries, and I love you. There is nothing shallow about my desires, my dear, and when I say I wanted to show you what it was to be loved, if only until you found someone you could keep, I meant precisely that, no less.” He smiled slightly at that. “But a desire doesn’t have to be shallow to be selfish… and love can make selfish those of us who are most foolish, as I often am for it.”
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#15
Belle wondered if the whiskey was to blame for the whip lash in her mindset, but she would later blame it for her Bursting out “- You’d want to marry me?” Something between shock and slow dawning comprehension, the first embers of hope sparking.

She expected him to say no. She expected...Belle didn’t know. She wasn’t thinking of the baby or the goddess he loved, body stung tightly as any harp.

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#16
At that moment, part of Arjay was aware that it was a very good thing that he couldn’t touch her. It felt in that moment like literally anything he might do to comfort her might make things worse… just like his words just seemed to have. Damn it! He could see literally no way to answer this and let her down easily without either somehow leading her on or just being unnecessarily harsh.

“Perhaps,” he admitted. “We never got a chance to find out how we would work together. And unfortunately, we won’t, because we both know that I’m not what you’re looking for. Perhaps we’ve always known that… or perhaps not. I’m a god, not a seer.” He took a deep breath, then met her eyes again. “Yes, Belle, I love you. There will always be a part of me that will, regardless of what happens now. And if you ever doubt yourself, all you need to is call to me in your dreams, and I’ll be there.” There was a part of him, that little romantic part of him, that wished they could carve the world of dreams out into that one little place where he was hers… but even that was too much. With Belle, it was all or nothing, love was black or white, while his world was nothing but the shades in between. “But even if I didn’t know that it would hurt you to get too close to you, I’d still know that I’d never be able to have you for the simple reason that we both know you’d want to keep me… and that’s not mine to offer any longer.”
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#17
She blinked back burning; “so-“ she took a breath. “I-“ she looked down. “Am too late.” All the talk from both of them about him being free to find love...it was a lie. Just as she’d always known, his heart, his troth was pledged to A woman greater than she could ever be.

And he wondered why she thought his offers had only been about sex; the moment she opened herself up to more he made it clear it could never even be considered.

“My dreams-“ she laughed, it wasn’t a happy sound, running a hand through her hair “right. One more reason to not wake up in the morning.” Sebastian and Arjay in her dreams. That was exactly what would keep her sane.

Belle scrubed her palms against her cheeks, rubbing away the tears that slipped down.

“No. I said that months ago.” That he belonged to Sune, just everyone else had not seen or agreed with that truth.

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