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Thread Contributor: Dean WinchesterTruth Hurts
Supernatural-N/A

121 Posts
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Age:34
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Jasmine

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#21
Cas reached out for his hand again. Dean took Cas's hand in his own without thinking, like he'd been doing it all his life. It was crazy, really, how natural it all seemed. He resisted the urge to close his eyes in pleasure as Cas's thumb ran over the skin of his hand. They'd just been kissing, it was stupid to get all caught up in something like that.

Answering Cas's question was harder. "I mean. A date. Like, a real date," Dean said, stumbling over the words. "Cas, I mean, it's...its me. You know me. I don't do...dating." He frowned as he spoke, annoying at himself that he couldn't just say yes, but a date? He couldn't afford to fuck this up. This, this thing they had so far, was good, but that didn't mean it would work if they tried to go full boyfriend and, well, boyfriend. "I mean. You know what I mean, right?" he finished lamely.

@alex
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Supernatural-8th season?

129 Posts
7 Threads
Age:Immeasurable
Job: Hunt?
Ship Status: Single and curious about sex
Sexual Orientation: Demisexual
Moon

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#22
Perhaps it was silly to be caught up in the feeling of their hands intertwined- but Cas very much was. Dean's hand just fit so nicely in the spaces in Cas's grip. It was a testament to how much the angel adored this hunter that even something as simply as holding his hand was enough to have Cas smiling, despite the heavy thoughts on his mind.

He was waiting with bated breath for Dean to speak. To have an answer to the questions on his mind. For the space of a heartbeat, Cas could scarcely believe what he was hearing Dean say. A real date- Yes!

Of course it should have been a clue that he couldn't make himself believe it. Because as with seemingly most things in his life, Cas was left disappointed. He was forced to take a deep breath to erase the pain. He had accepted this possibility, though it hadn't escaped his notice that Dean hadn't answered.

With another heartbeat, he pushed himself to speak, to not allow himself to give in to the easy path. "No, Dean. I don't understand. I love you and I want to spend time with you. Why are you against that?"

@jasmine
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Supernatural-N/A

121 Posts
9 Threads
Age:34
Job:
Ship Status:
Sexual Orientation:
Jasmine

All Accounts Posts: 533
Points: 1,183.43€
#23
Cas took his hand. It was electrifying, once again, the soft brush of his fingers sending a shiver up his spine. God, this was really happening. He looked down at their entwined hands as Cas traced his scar, and thought about how amazed and terrified and awed he'd been when Cas had pulled him out of hell. How he hadn't been able to believe it, except that all the scars of his youth, the crooked fingers that had healed wrong, had gone away.

They'd come so far since then.

He opened his mouth and closed it. "Cas, I..."

He wanted Cas. He wanted to be with Cas, wanted Cas to be his, wanted to come home to the bunker after a hunt and snuggle up with Cas on the couch while they watched something on Netflix. But, God, he was scared.

"I want to," he said awkwardly, after too long a pause. "But, I mean. It's me. You know what that means, don't you? I'm not... I'm not a good boyfriend." It was the understatement of the fucking century, but he couldn't say everything he felt, not now that the truth spell was lifted. Couldn't let Cas see just how worthless he knew he was or how he knew he'd screw up anyone who got to close to him. How he was sure only that he couldn't afford to lose Cas if things went south.

@alex
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Supernatural-8th season?

129 Posts
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Age:Immeasurable
Job: Hunt?
Ship Status: Single and curious about sex
Sexual Orientation: Demisexual
Moon

All Accounts Posts: 847
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#24
It was sometimes near impossible for Cas to comprehend how this had come to be. He had lived for so, so long. And yet, he hadn't lived at all until the day he met Dean Winchester. Cas had so many memories of such a number of things, and yet not one of them compared to the time he spent with this one hunter.

Nothing he had lived through had prepared him to fall in love. Not with an a human, a demon or heavens above, Dean Winchester. Because Dean was so much more than just a human to Cas. Even when the angel had loved Meg, or had loved Daphne, he still loved Dean so much more. Some people compared their loves to the sun after the rain.

Dean was not that. Cas had been surrounded by suns, by light, his entire existence. Dean was the shade that allowed him to rest his eyes. Even if Cas didn't know what all was there, even if the dark could be frightening, he felt safe with Dean.

Castiel would say he didn't know how to live without him anymore- but he had never known how to live without Dean. He simply hadn't been aware of it. He thought following orders was all that there was. He was so desperately wrong.

He waited patiently for Dean to speak. Cas had waited since he had pulled Dean from hell for this moment. He could wait long enough for Dean to speak. Even if it was terrifying, the possibility that he would get so close to everything he wanted with every ounce of his being, only to face the knowledge that it could never happen.

He doubted the words Dean spoke at first. He claimed that he wanted Cas- so what was standing in his way? What was stopping him from being together with Cas? He didn't know what he meant. Again, Dean was asking questions that he must know the answer to which was incomprehensible to Cas.

But the final words said everything Cas needed. He sagged with relief for a moment, so relieved to know it had nothing to do with Dean not actually wanting him. Dean didn't think there was anything wrong with Castiel- and that was. That was unbelievably good. He thought there was something wrong with himself- which was not good. Not at all. But Cas could help Dean with self esteem issues later. Castiel was just grateful, he was not prepared to have his heart crushed.

He pursed his lips for a moment before making a decisive nod and looking at Dean seriously. Reaching up, he grabbed Dean's jaw and turned his face until their eyes met. Without pausing, he moved forwards to kiss the man he adored again- which, stars above, was almost enough to make him forget his purpose. Breaking free once more, Cas opened his eyes and spoke carefully. "Dean. I am me. You know what that means? It means I am a bad friend. I have tried to kill you. I have abandoned you. We have both beaten each other black and blue. Yet time and time again you have looked past that and found reason to be my friend regardless." Running his thumb along Dean's lower lip, Cas could not help the smile that lit in his eyes, even if his mouth stayed in a straight line. "I love you, Dean. I will not be easily dissuaded of the only thing I have been certain of since I raised you from perdition. Perhaps a romantic relationship between us will end poorly. I can not pretend to know. But I do know that it will not stop me from coming back to your side, time and again."

Castiel leaned forwards to steal any response that Dean may have had, smothering any noise against his lips. "All I ask is that you give- whatever it is we are- a chance before you condemn it." Now he did pause slightly, letting go of Dean's chin to rub at the back of his own neck in mild discomfort. "For all we know, I am a far worse boyfriend than you are. I don't exactly have experience in the matter." He mumbled as an afterthought.

@jasmine
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