Truth Hurts

Dean walked into the bunker and threw his bag down on the table. He'd met with the Sune chick and she'd given him a spell that she'd claimed would work on even a powerful witch like this Rowena... and Dean was ready to head back to his own universe, grab Sam, and start hunting. But first he needed to grab some grub, his second and third-favorite guns, and the sword he'd bought off Queth on his first day in the Hub.

He was in a good mood. Really was nothing like having a solid hunt on the horizon. Not to mention, a way of helping Cas, and easing the tension he'd barely realized he'd been carrying since he'd met this older Cas here.

Dean puttered about for a few minutes, gathering his things, then went to find Cas. Even if the angel wouldn't approve, exactly, of what Dean was about to go do, he didn't want to leave without at least hollering a goodbye at him.

He found Cas peering down at a cell phone screen, and did a double take. Cas did...texting now? Whatever.

"Hey, man," he said. "Who are you texting? I mean, I'm jealous, but only, like, a little jealous, but that's just 'cause you never text me or anything." Dean stopped, and put a hand to his mouth like some kind of caricature of an offended lady. "I didn't mean to say that. Sorry. What the fuck?"

@"Castiel"

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows slightly, looking up the words in the message he had been sent before his mouth quirked upwards slightly. It was always nice to hear from Chris- and particularly so when he was in a conversational mood. So that's where he was when Dean came back, faced down at his phone, tapping a response, tiny smile on his face.

Cas startled slightly when the other man announced his presence. Twisting to look at Dean, he raised an eyebrow. "I am messaging Chris-" He began, moving to explain when Dean cut him off with a comment about jealousy. That- okay. That had Cas checking his ears for a moment because that was certainly not something he was expecting to hear from the hunter.

Once he was certain that the words had been spoken, Cas moved to address them.

"There is no need to curse Dean. I often say things that I didn't intend to say." Castiel offered in an attempt at comfort. "Though... I don't know why you would be jealous." The Angel muttered, his neck going pink at the idea of Dean caring in any way shape or form that Cas texted people that weren't Dean.

@starkly @jasmine can't remember what your tag is

Okay, well, it didn't exactly surprise Dean that Cas didn't have a filter, costing the shit that come out of his mouth on a daily basis.

"That's different. As far as I know, you're not in love with your best friend," Dean said, then felt his face heating. "I--didn't mean to say that either. I mean, you are my best friend, and I am in love with you, and I had a dream just the other night that we were doing the dirty and obviously I'm jealous because you ditch me all the time and never return my calls but CHRIS make you smile and oh God please make me stop."

Dean slammed his mouth shut hard enough to make his teeth click then said there, breathing hard, and wondering how much of an overreaction it would be to jump over the table and run for the nearest portal. He remembered his encounter with the Goddess of Truth a couple years ago, and how people hadn't been able to stop from spilling their guts to him once she'd put the whammy on. Obviously something similar was happening here except it was a thousand times worse because he'd just told Cas the one thing he'd promised himself that no one could ever, ever know.

"I have to go," he added, turning abruptly toward the door. "Anywhere. But here. Cas. Bye."

@alex

Cas didn't know what he was doing. On the one hand- he was standing there awkwardly trying to figure out how the words that were being spoken could possibly be real- and on the other hand his muscles were tensing to launch forward for the very real possibility that this was a dream and he could do whatever he wanted to Dean.

It was no wonder that the angel wasn't welcome in heaven anymore- considering that was one of the thoughts that went through his head. It was when Dean turned and ran for the door that it set in that this was really happening. Something was up with Dean- and either Cas was getting every wish in his messed up head- or someone had put some kind of puppet whammy on him.

And as much as Cas would like to pretend to be absolutely selfless and immediately jump to break the spell someone was using to make Dean say things he didn't mean- The angel wasn't capable of sacrificing the chance that this could possibly be true. He couldn't walk away- even to break this spell- just so that Dean could pretend none of this ever happened.

Cas winged in front of Dean, stopping him from leaving the room. "Dean." He croaked, reaching out and placing a hand on the hunter's shoulder. A hand that slid down his arm until Cas was just short of holding hands with him. "I'm sorry. I should prioritize breaking whatever spell is causing this." He started, before biting his lip. "And if you remember this, you will probably never consider me your friend again- but.... I need to know if you're telling the truth."

Realizing the way his fingers had hooked on to the other man's hand, Cas jerked back as quickly as he could, taking a step or two back as his vessel went uncomfortably red. "I mean- if it isn't true then that cuts back the people who could have done this rather dramatically- makes the list only those-" Cas paused, looking down at the ground, unable to meet Dean's gaze. "-Only those who know how desperately I want that to be true." He finished with a sigh, on completely new conversational ground- and seriously considering wiping this conversation from Dean's memory if the two percent chance Cas was clutching to like a life preserver was actually just that- a percentile so small it was irrelevant.

@jasmine

Cas poofed right in front of him and Dean ran headlong into him, bumping off his muscular chest before Cas steadied him with a hand on his shoulder. This was...bad. This was so bad it was impossible to put into words how bad it was.

Cas's hand slid down Dean's arm and into his and he bit his lip against the things he was thinking. God, he was pathetic, he always had been, pining after Cas for years like some fucking teenage girl. At least if he didn't open his mouth, Cas would never know just how pathetic he was.

"I'm sorry. I should prioritize breaking whatever spell is causing this. And if you remember this, you will probably never consider me your friend again- but.... I need to know if you're telling the truth. I mean- if it isn't true then that cuts back the people who could have done this rather dramatically- makes the list only those--Only those who know how desperately I want that to be true."

Dean blinked, trying to process what Cas was saying because it sounded like Cas was actually into him, or something, which was obviously crazy. But the spell had other ideas, because all his plans of keeping his trap shut turned to shit when he opened his mouth and said, "It's true, Cas. I wish I could change it but I can't, I've been in love with you since I went to that freaky other universe with Zach and I came back and you were just standing there, like you said you'd be, that's when I knew. Jesus fucking Christ." He clapped a hand over his mouth, digging his fingers into his jaw until it hurt. "I'm sorry. I can't--stop. I can't."

Cas spent a good few seconds trying to make his mouth make words after Dean replied. Thinking logically- Dean was cursed to say things he didn't want to, it was totally possible that claiming truth was just as much a lie as everything else. Didn't change the way Cas wanted to pull the hunter to him in a way that was probably incredibly inappropriate.

He knew Dean had issues with having his mind read, so Cas distinctly held back from confirming his words even if Cas really wanted to. "I uh-" He managed to start, before finally sucking it up. "I would very much not like you to be able to change it." The angel sputtered. Before reaching for the other man's hand and figuring that if Dean slapped his hand away it would be pretty obvious whether he really was telling the truth.

"But we should probably go find someone to remove the spell on you. Do you know who did it in the first place?" Cas asked quietly.

@jasmine

Dean hated this. He hated everything about this. Not being able to hold back made him vulnerable, violated to the utmost degree. There were things he didn't want anyone knowing, not ever. It wasn't about how much he cared for them or...loved them, even, it was just who he was. He needed the privacy of his own mind. Growing up stuffed into motel rooms with Sam and his dad, it was all he'd had.

And now Cas was saying he liked him like this?

A part of Dean was aware that some of what Cas was saying was all his dreams come true, but there were some things he just couldn't handle. And Cas, or anyone for that matter, being able to know every secret he'd ever held was one of them. Especially when so many of those secrets involved Cas himself. Fantasies and thoughts and feelings Dean had pledged would never see the light of day.

Not to mention, it wasn't like Cas was exactly Mr. Forthcoming either, and that made this worse. He almost never knew what Cas was really thinking, who or what he really cared about. Which, normally, was fine. But this one-sided compulsory truth-telling, Jesus, it was giving him hives just thinking about it.

When Cas reached out and grabbed his hand, Dean pulled away instinctively like he'd been burned. He was already stripped bare, here, he wasn't about to let Cas try to get closer to him or whatever the fuck he thought he was doing.

He answered Cas's question, though, because he had no choice. "I think it was that magic chick Sune. I went to her to get something to kill Rowena with and I came back like this."

@alex

Cas hurt when Dean pulled away. There was no other word for how he felt- how torn to pieces his stupid hope was when Dean pulled his hand away. It was so much worse than falling. He'd fall, destroy his wings as many times as necessary, walk around with the things made of nothing but scorched bone and melted flesh, again and again and again- In a heartbeat. If he could choose that over this. Over the agony that was not knowing whether or not he had just ruined everything. Of being left in the terrifying valley between hope and fear where Cas was left crushed under the weight of it all.

He cleared his throat and stepped back respectfully. He wanted to think rationally. Cas should be able to think reasonably- Dean wasn't the kind of guy who was touchy feely when emotions were involved. It wasn't like Dean wanted to hurt Cas. Father almighty, Cas had even thought that Dean would try to let him down gently if Cas had ever told Dean how he felt. It was just the situation, and Dean was stressed and Cas should know better than to push that.

Though it still took a moment to school his face into something that was less that of a kicked puppy and more the expression an immeasurably old individual ought to have in stressful situations. Taking a deep breath, Cas glanced down and took a small step back. "Would you like me to go fetch her for you? Or I can ask her myself how to break the spell."

Cas did pause however as the words 'magic chick' settled into his mind, and his eyebrows shot up. "You- uh. Were you aware that Sune is the Goddess of Love when you approached her?"

@jasmine

Cas looked all sad and disappointed when Dean pulled his hand away. So of course Dean couldn't stop himself from saying, "Jesus, Cas, you picked a hell of a time to decide you want to hold my fuckin' hand. You can't blame me for being weirded out by it." It was true. Not especially helpful, Dean allowed, but true. Because that's how awesome his day was going.

He also answered Cas's question because again, he had no choice. "Get her, talk to her, I don't give a single shit as long as you get her to break this spell." And then be blinked, because oh fuck oh fuck, "--She was the what?"

@alex

Castiel startled upon Dean's reply. It was on the line of what he had assumed, but to hear it put into words was strange enough without it seeming to Cas like he was in a djinn induced dream. It was one of the few situations that he could come up with where Dean actually felt that way about the resident Fallen Angel. The only reason Cas didn't think it was that was because Cas knew that that dream would have Cas as a human- someone Dean could actually fall in love with and want to be with. Hell, probably with Castiel as a woman, because even now the angel couldn't help but think that Dean would love him more if he weren't a... him.

Idly, Cas wondered what his brother would have to say about that. Because Cas was certain it would be apparent to the Archangel that Cas's greatest wish... was to change everything about himself so that Dean could maybe love him.

It was not a healthy outlook to have.

Quietly, he pinked, and deciding that Dean deserved the truth, Cas murmured an explanation. "I almost always wish to hold your hand. I just knew that there was no situation in which you'd approve."

Focusing on Dean's obvious lack of knowledge, Cas nodded in confirmation. "In fact, I believe she is technically two Goddesses of love, though one of them is the dominant aspect. Though in practice, she is sort of... all of them. Sune is the Physical Representation of the Fundamental force that is Love. In fewer words, the avatar of love." He said, voice as soothing as he could.

"Perhaps you could take a seat, and I can seek her out. Since you are uncomfortable- and have presumably already told me the things you want to say least already- true or not- it might be wise to minimize your contact with others. You can not, after all, accidentally tell me the same secret twice. If it's true." Cas offered, gritting his teeth and pausing for a brief moment.

"I am about to fly away. So you won't be surprised." He added, wings extending behind him, shadows stretching out, for a moment before he flickered out of place.

And reappeared face flat on the ground, facing away from the door he had just tried to wing through.

A voice that was both incredibly soft and reverberated through the building offered a giggle. Or rather- two voices. The first, clipped with teasing annoyance. The second, curling with bright mischief.

Did you really think I'd let you stop my fun? Maybe I ought to spell you in punishment, angel.

What say you, hunter? If you want, you can lose the spell. I'll slide it right off your shoulders, on to your pretty boy there, on the ground.

@jasmine

Okay, so Cas wanted to hold his hand. Almost always. It didn't make any damn sense, because Cas was Cas and Dean was Dean and even if he wasn't shacking up in a dude--well, that had come out wrong--there was no way he liked Dean the way Dean did. He was a fucking angel, even if he was a weird dorky one, and Dean was...nothing.

So of course, since apparently the spell also wouldn't let him sit back while anyone else thought something untrue about him, before Cas could fly away like he planned Dean had to say, "Cas of course I wanted you to hold my hand, I've been in fucking love with you for you years." He ground his teeth together, in hopes that would be all, but then had to open his mouth and continue, "I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be. You're--I mean, you're the best friend I've ever had and you care so much and you never complain and I'm just, god, Cas, I tortured people. I'm annoying and I drink too much and I'm a dick to everyone I care about and if you had any idea how needy and pathetic I really am you'd run."

And then he was saved by the love goddess, the two tones reverberating through the room.

Giving him a decision.

It was easy. "No way, you...bitches," Dean said. "I wouldn't wish this one anyone, well, some people maybe, but not him. I don't care what you do to me, I ain't playing your stupid games and how's that truth taste?"

@alex

Cas was more than a little startled by Dean's reply- despite knowing the man had no control over his words, Cas genuinely hadn't thought there was anything worth saying in response. Cas wholly believed that Dean did not want Cas to touch him.

Or he had at least. Cas didn't want to derail his mission to find a way to free Dean, but Castiel also didn't want to leave the object of his affection alone after said individual has stated so many incorrect conclusions. Debating the value of the two, Cas stepped over to Dean before flying off, and reached out to squeeze the hunter's hand. "There are many things about what you said that I feel a need to correct. However I wish to be able to have this discussion without you being forced to speak so please do not take me leaving now as a sign that I agree with anything you have just said."

Then Cas was face first on the ground, listening with annoyance to the Goddesses playing with them. As soon as Dean tried to deny the offer, Cas forced himself up off the ground, searching for a direction to speak towards.

Aimlessly choosing a random space above Dean's head, Cas enunciated clearly. "Don't listen to him. I will take the spell." Cas stood up dusting himself off. "Please."

For a moment there was silence, before the room brightened and a glow lifted from Dean to settle on Cas. The effects were not immediately apparent, though the implication was clear.

For that... I'll tell you one thing. Everything you need to break the spell is on your persons.

The soft voice offered, before dropping into quiet once more. A pressure, that they likely hadn't noticed until it disappeared, lifted from the room.

Cas cleared his throat and turned to Dean. "I was mentioning before that you were wrong about a number of things, it seems now is as good a time as any to tell you that I have thought similar. That as a male you could never be interested in me. That I would be incapable of ever properly conveying my emotions to you since you have so much more experience with them than I, despite my age. You maintain the ability to be kind despite all of the awful things you have seen, you care more than I have in my entire existence." Cas tried to stop there, he really did, yet the words kept rolling from his lips. "I am the definition of needy. I was programmed and trained to kill you by Naomi, and despite that I would kill everyone I needed to to keep you near for even a moment longer. You may have tortured, but I killed half of my species, brought them to near extinction, and then deciding that I alone should have the power over life and death."

Cas forced his body to suck in a breath. "I have loved you since you first prayed to me for help. Possibly before that. I am starting to understand why you found this spell to be quite unpleasant, it seems to be rather thorough about forcing one to speak the truth." The Angel offered conversationally, face still straight laced despite the pervasive blush on his skin. Taking a seat, he looked over at Dean and automatically blurted his thoughts.

"I semiregularly wish I were a human woman so you could love me as I do you."

@jasmine

Just like that the spell was gone. Dean didn't really feel any different, except he thought about how hot Cas looked and didn't say it out loud, so, that was...something. Except now Cas had the spell, and he was talking again, and Dean just stared open-mouthed because everything Cas was saying had to be true.

For about half a second he actually wished he still had the truth spell, because there was so much he wanted say, only--he'd never been able to. There were things that John Winchester's kid just didn't say.

And holy shit, did Cas have a lot to tell him.

"Cas, I..." Dean faltered, as if his stupid fucking mouth couldn't remember how to make words now that the spell was gone. "Fuck." He turned away, and scrubbed a hand down his face. "Cas, I'm not--you're not--you can't be into me like that. I mean, you're an angel. Angels don't do...sex and romance and shit. Right?" He'd been so sure of that, it had been the one thing keeping his stupid ass crush from becoming more. "And, Cas, all those things you did, I mean, sure I was pissed at first but you did them for the right reasons. You always do, you always have."

He laughed weakly as Cas told him he wished he were a woman, because how the fuck was he supposed to answer that? Tell Cas he loved him, tell him he'd fuck him, tell him the problem was always that Cas was an angel first, or that Cas was his best friend, or that--the real truth--he was fucking terrified because he'd never, ever given in to this part of himself before and Cas being a woman might've solved that problem but then he wouldn't have been Cas.

Maybe if he'd still had the truth spell he would have said all of it, but he didn't, so instead he did the one thing he could do that didn't require words. He reached out and grabbed Cas's hand, gripping it gently and running his thumb along Cas's knuckles. He wanted this. God, of course he wanted this. But he couldn't talk to Cas about it now, not when Cas was laid bare like this, not when he'd just spilled his own guts like he had. So instead he just sat there holding Cas's hand and felt a blush creeping up his face and wondered if it was still reasonable to just get up and run the fuck away.

@alex

Cas cringed slightly when Dean looked away- because of course dean would. The angel had thought for a brief few seconds that his compulsion to tell the truth- that knowing that this spell was forcing him to be honest- that it meant Dean had been honest to. But what a load of hopeful crap that was. Cas should know better by now. Not that it changed what Cas was going to say, he had no control over that one. The moment Dean was done speaking, the angel's thoughts once more began to spill from his mouth.

"For one thing Dean, your brother said it best, it is not the road to heaven which is paved with good intentions. And you know that I am not a 'normal' angel Dean. I rebelled. I've been near human before, and I was human for a while. I am not good at doing what I'm 'supposed to.' I think there may have been a- A design flaw. I was not built quite... right. I have certainly tried to deny my feelings but... yes I do do 'sex and romance and shit.'" Tilting his head as his cheeks went fiercely red, Cas tried to play off the fact that he was about to say something he really didn't want to. "Dean, you have driven me to self pleasure at your thought."

Dean's laugh didn't do anything to set Cas's mind at ease- in fact it just drove home all over again that Dean probably hadn't been forced to actually tell the truth. All Dean was doing now was trying to repair his friend's self esteem. Try to tell Cas that he was just making things up, logic him out of knowing he was in love with Dean. As though Cas hadn't desperately tried to convince himself of that every single time he had seen Dean with another woman. As though Cas wouldn't try to spare himself the agony that his love for Dean caused him.

And nothing was going to convince Cas he had done right by his kind. Or by the people he cared for.

All of that aside, nothing prepared him for Dean caressing his hand. Or even really, holding on to his hand at all- especially when Dean had just previously yanked his hand away from Cas's touch. They had hugged before- twice by Dean's time period- more by the time Cas was from- yet somehow this was far more intimate than that had ever been. "I Like That You Are Holding My Hand Very Much." Cas nearly exclaimed, every word carefully enunciated, an embarrassed smile forming on his face as he tried to force the red from his skin.

@jasmine

Dean had opened his mouth to protest that intentions mattered, at least in Cas's case, when Can kept on rambling and then suddenly Dean knew Cas WAS available in the way Dean had never thought possible and then he knew--

Dean's mouth slammed shut and he felt himself going red. Cas... Cas had... That was...

It was probably a problem that the only word coming to mind was "hot." But it came with the same rush of shame he'd always felt, knowing he liked these things. Only ever admitting then in the dark privacy of his own mind. He couldn't be gay. Or whatever. That was something other people got to do, not him. He was Dean Winchester.

But here he was holding Cas's hand and Cas liked it and there was a choice stretching out before him only he didn't know if he could do it.

"Cas..." he breathed, very aware of Cas's eyes and lips and how close they were and the feel of Cas's calloused fingers in his. "I... I mean. You. And me. Really? You're. Really?"

@alex

Cas vaguely noticed that Dean had gone quite red and had stopped speaking- though at that moment the angel mostly was wishing that he could fly away. Or perhaps to slide his blade through his own chest and thus no longer be forced to be so terribly honest. It was no wonder Dean was red- Cas imagined that most men would be uncomfortable to find that a close friend had such thoughts about him.

Of course, Cas would have been very incredibly pleased had he heard Dean say that. Cas's priorities however were notably skewed.

The sound of his name being breathed from the lips of his first love did little to calm the Angel's nerves. "Did you know that I internally consider myself as Cas now? I have thought of myself as Castiel for millennia, and yet you refer to me as Cas and because you call me that I think of myself that way." The angel offered, not knowing what he was supposed to address in Dean's statement, and yet forcing a hand up over his mouth to hear the rest of what the hunter had to say.

"If you are asking me whether I am really in love with you, or really attracted to you, than the answer is a resounding yes." He offered quietly. Not really knowing what he was doing, Cas stood and turned towards his best friend without thinking.

Castiel's countenance was unbelievably serious as he gave in to all those stupid urges that he had been fighting for years. "Dean, you were the first individual in all of creation that I have felt this way for. You are the only one that I have continued to love, despite all that has happened." Cas sighed. "I am sorry for that Dean. You do not deserve to have such a twisted being for a friend." He added, dropping his returned grip on Dean's hand.

"And I- I am sorry for this as well." He offered quietly, taking both hands and holding Dean's face. Cas ran his thumb along Dean's cheek before giving in to the desire he had held inside him since he had met the hunter. Pressing his lips softly to Dean's, the angel nearly sobbed with relief.

He knew, that humans did not experience things the same way that angels did. That his mind could comprehend the definition of each layer of flesh on Dean's skin, and that Dean may not notice more of Cas's than the warmth they possess. Cas knew beyond a doubt that the exact temperature of Dean's skin, the scent of him, the flavour of his lips, the sound of his breath as Cas kissed him. Every single aspect of Dean in that moment would be burned directly into Cas's grace- changing him forever.

He also knew that even with his wings repaired, nothing had ever made him feel quite so much like flying. Something he supposed that the humans had described aptly. Cas pulled back slowly, desperately wishing to prolong the moment. Perhaps, if possible, to experience it forever. He would not however force such a thing on Dean. "I would assume the truth spell would be enough to confirm my feelings, but perhaps that will suffice." Cas mumbled, looking everywhere but at Dean.

It did not occur to Cas immediately that he was no longer under said spell- though once he processed it, he certainly would notice that he was not telling Dean that he felt like flying. A notable change from his behaviour of not even being able to stop himself from telling Dean-

Cas went more red than he had thought possible.

@jasmine

"If you are asking me whether I am really in love with you, or really attracted to you, than the answer is a resounding yes."

Dean's ears were ringing. He barely registered that Cas was still talking, still telling him how much he meant to him, because it was all sort of hitting at once that this was really happening and his fingers were still interlaced with Cas and holy shit, this was really happening. '

He made his decision all at once without thinking about it, because, hell, that was how he made all his best decisions. He was going to go for it. Fuck what the world would think, fuck what he dad would have thought, fuck his own stupid-ass hang ups. He was going to--

Cas's hand was on his face and Cas was leaning in for a kiss and holy shit, this was really happening.

Dean met Cas's lips tentatively at first, then deepened the kiss until Cas pulled back away from him. He felt like he was floating, or maybe underwater, or maybe everything in his head had turned to jelly and was dribbling out his ears. Cas had kissed him. Cas had kissed him. Cas had--

It was simultaneously the best thing that had ever happened to him and the most abjectly terrifying. Because if this was happening, and it really seemed like it was happening, Dean had to not fuck this up like he'd fucked up every other relationship (if you could even call them that) he'd ever had.

"Cas," he said, because that was about the only semi-coherent thought he was having. "Cas, I-- I--" Lost for words, he gave up and did the one thing he hoped would get across what he meant. He leaned in, closed the distance again, and kissed Cas's lips softly. "God," he murmured as he pulled away. "Cas. That was. Wow."

@alex

For a moment, Dean's lack of reply had Castiel's heart sink. The angel was, above all else, aware of how much he had probably fucked up by choosing that action. He had briefly hoped- stupidly, he know recognized- that Dean might actually wanted this. Milliseconds stretched to millenia of torture as Cas was torn between the indescribable joy he felt at being able to kiss the person he loved most- and the agony he felt knowing that said person would almost certainly never speak to him again.

Then Dean was kissing him back- and Cas was thrown for a loop. In none of his expectations had he predicted that Dean might- That Dean even could want that. Cas had hoped that the spell had forced his best friend to tell the truth as well- but the angel was so used to being unwanted that it hadn't even really sunk in as a possibility.

It did make some questions pop up in the back of his mind. If Dean, from two years ago, had already loved Cas- There were some things that the Angel suddenly didn't understand. But those thoughts were for other moments- when he hadn't just had his heart's desire fulfilled.

Now he was left confuddled and confounded, scarcely able to believe his own audacity in kissing Dean, let alone that Dean had very much deepened said kiss.

Cas usually would have been concerned when Dean had nothing else to say but the angel's name- his mind filling in the partially started sentences with more and more terrible alternatives- but this time he truly understood. He had initiated the action and he was at least as overwhelmed as Dean.

Then Dean was kissing him instead of the other way around, and it completely sunk home for Castiel that somehow, this incredible, radiant, being, somehow, wanted the same things from Cas as Castiel wanted from him. The angel couldn't help the smile that stretched across his face when Dean pulled away.

"Yes." He agreed quietly. "It was Wow." Cas didn't hesitate this time, grabbing Dean's collar and kissing him hard. As though he could mark the man forever, make certain that this memory never faded for the hunter the same way it wouldn't for the angel. He pulled back this time, only as soon as required by his body needing oxygen. "It is wow." He added, not certain where to go from there, though vaguely aware that if he didn't take a seat, his legs may go out from underneath him as he melted.

Castiel quickly took a seat once more, unable to stop smiling at his friend. "I- Ah. The traditional thing to do is to invite you for dinner and a movie, correct?"

@jasmine

Dean was used to seeing Cas a little flustered, but never... like this. Repeating Dean's "wow" in between kisses like he couldn't believe what was happening either.

A part of Dean's mind protested that it wasn't right, that Cas shouldn't return his feelings because Dean was just going to drag Cas down to his level, or hurt him, like he'd hurt everyone else-- but for once he was able to shut that part up, reveling in the feeling of meeting Cas's lips with his own. He loved Cas. He'd loved him for so long and this had all seemed so impossible and yet somehow it wasn't.

Then Cas sat down, smiling up at him, and asked him on a date.

Dean opened his mouth, then closed it again. Cas was...asking him on a date. Suddenly something like fear stole over him. Making out was one thing, a date was--something else. A date meant this was real, meant other people were gonna know about this, meant that the persona Dean had crafted so carefully for the last three decades was going to come crashing down around him. Sam would know. Other hunters would know.

But as soon as the thought crossed his mind he realized that wasn't it. The truly terrifying part wasn't that at all. It was that going on a date would make this...a thing, and Dean could fuck up a thing. He always had.

"Uh, yeah," he stammered. "That's the. I mean. You really want to go on a date?"

@alex

Cas was prepared for Dean to take a moment. Being honest he had been surprised that he was even capable of asking- he knew how easy it was to trip over your thoughts while your brain tried to offer you a million actions. That being said, he was still filled with nervous energy and he reached out to hold onto his best friend's hand.

He had never really had the chance to admire them before, to look at the blunt nails and the calluses and the small scars. You could read Dean's life in his hands. Ever so slightly, Cas could even see the marks that were left when he used his grace to heal Dean. The slight residue of the action.

Cas traced his thumb along one such mark while he waited for Dean to speak.

He titled his head in a motion of confusion he was certain the hunter was familiar with. "Of course I do." Cas replied quietly, brows furrowing. "Do you not?"

It brought up an important question. If Dean didn't want more from Cas than physical affection- would Cas be okay with that?

The terrifying answer that came all too quickly- Yes. He would. He would tear himself to pieces, desperately wishing for more- but he would. That kind of relationship would be so much worse than the pain of falling. It would completely eclipse it- and Castiel wouldn't hesitate to agree.

He forced himself to focus on the man he loved rather than on his thoughts.

@jasmine