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Rating: 3-3-3

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Bans: Howard the Duck,
RPF* Real Person Fiction; IE Apping an actual celebrity

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Thread Contributor: Robert WasemWhat We're Not Saying
DC-TV-1

378 Posts
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Age:35
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#61
Chris plopping onto his ass deflated Safi; “Of course I do you crazy fondant hating little man.” Safi exhaled the words.

He could still roll back, Love after all came in many forms, he could claim that it was more fraternal than romantic.

Today unfortunately had brought some truths to light; and Chris deserved to know them. “But I am not...able to be what you want.”
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DC-DCTVU-1

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#62
Of course. He said it so simply, as though it were a given, as though it were something that was obvious.

It was not obvious. It wasn’t simple. It wasn’t a given.

There were thoughts that zipped through Christian’s mind in complete incongruence with what he had just heard. Thoughts like the fact that hating fondant was entirely sane. Like lamenting the fact that he had worked so damn hard to be able to accept Safi’s relationship with Tony because the bodyguard deserved to be with someone he could fall in love with…

Safi loved him.

“But you… I… You didn’t…”

I am not able to be what you want.

“I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean…” Chris was murmuring the words, the first full sentence he was able to string together, “I want… You. However that comes and whatever it means.” He would have thought that that was pretty damn clear, really…
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DC-TV-1

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#63
“Fuck.” Safi slid to the floor resting his head on his knees; “of course you take anything because you think that anything is all you should get. Because that is who you are. And that’s not right.” A humorless chuckle broke out. “The same reasons I’m no good enough for Belle and more is why this is not right.”
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DC-DCTVU-1

463 Posts
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#64
All he should get. “Are you even serious right now?” Chris looked over at Safi, incredulous, “A little of what you love, a sliver of peach pie, is better than nothing of it, of no pie at all.” He snorted quietly, “Trust me. You’ll always want more, but something is always better than not getting even a taste.” The scowl he wore deepened, “I know you don’t like pie. But it’s the best analogy I have, okay? Because as a kid? The bigger kids would take whatever I couldn’t get away with and scarf down. But that never stopped me from making off with a piece and eating as much of it as I could before they took it away.” Another curse of being the runt of the litter…

When Safi mentioned not being good enough for Belle, Christian jerked, his fists closing for a moment before cautiously releasing, “Stop saying stupid things. You’re perfectly good enough for Belle.” Chris snorted, “Even if I really hate that whole idea.” For the obvious reasons.
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#65
“And when that want becomes anger at not having?” He really hated analogies he was horrible at keeping up at them in English.

“I like what we have. There is no confusion. No guilt. I am selfish, this is…” he sighed “comfortable.” And now saying this he felt the crushing weight of having to acknowledge he was a selfish asshole.
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DC-DCTVU-1

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#66
Chris liked analogies, and used them fairly often; Safi had never said he didn’t like them, or Chris wouldn’t use them nearly so often as he did. What that said about him where Safi was involved was something he was very pointedly not considering.

Anger at not having. Hi there, have you met me? Chris looked at Safi for a long, pained moment, “So you think it would be better for me to never have anything for fear that I might want more of something?” If that were the case, did that mean that Safi would withdraw even his friendship?

And then he said that he liked what they had, that it was comfortable. Chris looked down at the floor, “I said last night that what we have is good.” And he’d meant it, and still meant it now. He remembered the look that Miss Zatanna had given him when he’d drawn his tarot cards, and the memory of Safi’s response was such a strong one…

“Temperate lovers?”

Christian bit out a hoarse, choked laugh, muttering, “Temperate lovers after all.”
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DC-TV-1

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#67
“Is still good? Even now?” With the cards laid out on the table, open and exposed. “Because this is what I mean. No one would be ok with this. It’s not…” his hands spread out as Safi helplessly tried to find the correct English word. “..good.” He settled for unhappily; discarding others like ‘healthy’, ‘sane’ or ‘satisfying’ for the extra implications that those words had.

Temperate lovers? Safi’s brow creased at the seeming non-sequitur; before the memory of that first night of karaoke was reawakened. “....I am sorry.” What else could he say? He was selfish, and now clearly cruel.
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DC-DCTVU-1

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#68
Yes, it was still good. Did Christian want more? Of course he did. Just like when he reached the last piece of one of Belle’s peace pies he yearned for another pie, but you took what you had and you made it be enough. How could he explain that to Safi? That one piece of pie was better than no pie when you were starving! This, whatever it was between them, this love, it wasn’t normal or easy, but Christian frowned when Safi said it wasn’t good. He shifted, staring at the floor, “Are you… Are you not...happy? I…” his voice remained too smooth, too steady, as he deliberately tried to stay calm. Calm was important here. “If you’re not, I mean, I could…”

“....Go…”
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#69
“I am as happy as I have been.” He answered honestly, there was different kinds of happiness and while his heart was most full when his daughter was living with him…..this was a good life.

Or at least till he fucked it up.

Go?

Safi stilled, did Chris want to leave? It would make sense, things would be even more awkward between them now…

“If you need space...this is your home, I can leave?” He offered carefully not wanting Chris to feel pushed out of ANOTHER. Apartment.
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DC-DCTVU-1

463 Posts
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#70
That wasn't a yes. When it came down to it, aside from very specific things and events, Christian had been happy. He hadn't been looking for it, hadn't been set up for it, hadn't been pressured or pressed…. Safi had just come into his life, big and intimidating and caring, and he hadn't left.

Yet.

But if the other man wasn't happy… If caring about, loving him was...if it was a problem, then Chris didn't want to make things difficult for Safi. His home? Space?? He sucked in a breath that was shakier than he would admit, and frowned at Safi. “It’s your apartment, Safi, and it's only home because of you.” His eyes slammed shut against the admission, expecting distance from the other man because of it.
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#71
“Ah.” That ...made sense. They both held store more in people than things. So If Safi was safe and-

Yes safe; than Chris would feel more at home where he or Belle was.

“Then…” things stayed as they were, except now Safi was going to get blackout drunk the moment Belle popped her pretty little ass back into Chris’s life.

What he needed to do now was put on his big boy pants, regardless of how much he wished he could just collapse back into bed or a shower.

Safi levered himself up, holding out a hand for the younger man; “you can sleep? Or want to get coffee and watch TV?”
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DC-DCTVU-1

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#72
The not-answer response was actually not a surprise. Chris had come to accept them from Safi, even if they grated. He loved the color gray, but when it came to knowing where he stood, he preferred clarity.

Could he sleep? Christian shrugged; the honest answer was that he didn't know. Sometimes after a nightmare, he could calm down and go back to sleep, and sometimes he couldn't. And sometimes more sleep just meant more nightmares. But while that was the most honest answer, it wasn't the only truth here; he knew that coffee and tv would mean being with Safi. Knowing the other man was alive and well, and Chris could not deny the relief he'd feel from that. “Maybe tv without coffee? Maybe tea?” Otherwise, neither of them would get any sleep…. “I'm tired, I just don't know that I can sleep.”
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#73
Safi just nodded tiredly, wrapping an arm around the other man’s shoulders to lead him to the living room. the TV was switched on as background noise but he doubted either of them was watching, it wasn’t the best response but right now he was using after combat rules. You took care of each other and asked questions never.
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DC-DCTVU-1

463 Posts
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#74
Chris took the nod. They were safe, they were okay. It was weird and maybe uncomfortable, but neither of them were running away, at least not right now. So when Safi reached out and guided him to the couch, Christian went along without complaint, settling onto the sofa with a sigh. Once Safi had sat down, Chris just leaned against him, he was always a cuddler, and tonight was no different. With Safi there, it didn't take him long at all to fall asleep.
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