Honey, I'm Home

Dean was exhausted. He'd signed up for Luthien's quest mainly out of boredom, and because it basically sounded like a real life version of Charlie's LARPing game. Now, he was sore and pretty much just wanted to sleep for like three days.

He pulled the Impala into the bunker garage and climbed out, pulling his bag over his shoulder and wincing as a dozen half healed injuries pulled.

"Sam?" He called out as he entered the bunker proper, before realizing his mistake and amending, "I mean, Cas? You here?

Castiel had been doing quite a bit of wandering recently- made a number of new friends- discovered new locations. He had even found his brother- and been healed from his fall from grace. That was something he couldn't believe had happened- and it seemed like forever ago that his (he like always hesitated to call him his crush or love or anything implying his feelings) friend had left. Hardly any time had passed between his searching for a safe place at Dean's side- to Dean leaving.

Cas couldn't help but be hurt by that. He wondered if that was how Dean had felt when Castiel had avoided him in Purgatory. To so desperately need someone's presence- and for them to be anywhere but where you needed them.

To hear Dean's voice ring through the Bunker where Cas was researching curses- his heart missed a beat. He felt for a moment like he couldn't breathe- as he was suddenly faced with the reality of his period alone. Spending time with others hadn't stopped the loss he felt from that.

Straightening his back and marking his page, he blinked into a space just outside of the room Dean entered. The telltale rustle of wings followed him- happening for just a second before he stepped out from behind the partition. He knew that Dean found sudden arrivals unsettling so Cas hoped this would be satisfactory. Maintaining a distance from the other man- both physically and emotionally- Cas ducked his head slightly in acknowledgement of Dean's presence.

"Yes Dean. I am."

Dean heard and recognized the flutter of angel wings before it fully registered, which was...weird as hell. The Cas he'd left behind hadn't been flying.

Still, the thought was pushed to the back of his mind as Cas stepped through the door. He couldn't help the smile that cracked his face at the sight of the angel. He'd been gone a whole hell of a lot longer than he'd expected.

He strode forward and wrapped his arms around Cas. The angel felt sturdy and strong in his arms, a far cry from the state he'd been in before Dean had left. That and the wings told him he definitely missed something, and he felt a stab of guilt. He was a shitty friend. Cas deserved better.

He pulled away before it could get awkward, tamper doesn't on his feelings, and said, "Man is it good to be back. You look...awesome. what happened?"

Cas pinked slightly under the other man's smile- it was a little like looking at the sun when you weren't prepared. Warming you, and burning you, all at the same time. The fact that Dean had Cas in his arms before the angel had processed anything past the smile, said heaps about the angel's state of mind. On the one hand Cas was rather upset with Dean and was frozen with the warring emotions.

On the other hand- it was Dean, and Cas would do almost anything to be in his arms. The angel only managed to get his arms half up before the hunter retreated- leaving Cas feeling emptier than before.

Swallowing hard, he focused on the question- easier to answer that than think about feelings that were harder to push down every moment he spent with the winchester- but he knew would always be fruitless. "Gabriel. He is alive- and in the hub. I believe it took much out of him to heal me- but he is an archangel and it was not beyond his abilities."

Cas froze, an uncomfortable expression stealing over his face, as Dean hugged him. Of course he did. Dean ignored the sinking feeling in his chest, because it was dumb to expect Cas to be as glad to see him as Dean was to see him.

He had to resist the urge to trail his fingers along Cas's well-muscled arm as he let go, then forced himself to ignore that thought altogether. God, he was such a fucking girl. It still made his got trust you to think what his dad would say if he knew.

Cas's answer distracted him from those thoughts. Thankfully.

"Gabriel?" Dean asked, his eyebrows climbing. "What the hell is Gabriel doing here?"

As batshit as the archangels return was, though, he was glad Cas was doing better, not just looking better. He pulled out a chair and sat heavily, tension he hasn't even realized he was carrying seeping out of him. "Whatever. You're better. That's... Awesome."

Castiel watched Dean's hands intently as he pulled back- for a moment it looked like they were going to reach out once more before finally falling to the Hunter's side.

Cas swallowed hard, focusing on the conversation- and not how much he had missed everything about Dean. "It seems when he faked his death, he came here. And then decided that our world could be damned, he'd stay in the hub. He has a joke shop named after Raphael." He offered, enunciating each word- so they came out as stiff as he stood at that moment.

The angel sighed slightly as Dean commented about his wellbeing. "Yes. Are you alright? Would you like me to get you anything?" He queried, voice nearly as quiet as the building around them. While he waited for a reply, Cas watched Dean begin to relax- and couldn't help himself. With a flutter of his wings, Cas ducked into Dean's space and hugged him properly for a moment before flapping back to his original spot and waited for an answer.

"....a joke shop" Dean said. Suddenly, he just felt tired all over again. He hadn't mourned Gabriel, exactly, but he remembered the frustration, the desperation, of being down an ally. The weight of it. So the idea that Gabe had been dicking around the Hub all asking, well... Well nothing. It didn't matter anymore.

He couldn't keep the weariness out of his voice as he answered Cas. "Yeah. I'm good. A little sore and I want to sleep for a week, but I'm--"

He bit of his reply as Cas appeared in his personal space, hugged him, and disappeared again.

"Cas," he said, feeling strangely like someone had just pulled a rug out from under him. Not that he minded, he just... didn't understand. At all. He wondered distantly if Cas's cheese was coming back, or something. "What the hell?"

"Yes." Cas managed in confirmation of the comment, still stiff but with his eyes fully caught on Dean. The Bunker seemed so much less empty with the hunter there- which was strange since it was such a large place that one person ought not make a notable difference. And yet- that was how Cas felt. Just a new addendum into the strange thoughts Dean Winchester gave him.

The fact that the hug cut off Dean's word gave Cas a whole slew of new strange thoughts. Some brand new- and others he had revisited time and again. The Angel flushed slightly and looked at Dean.

"I'm sorry, was I wrong in assuming that hugs were still an acceptable expression of affection?" He asked softly, tilting his head slightly, reminiscent of when the pair had first met and Cas was confused by many things. He was still very confused about Dean- but he had a vague understanding of the rest of the world now.

So of course, Cas assumed that this was yet another sign of Dean's disinterest in him- that Dean had hugged him but obviously thought better and decided that he didn't want to hug Castiel. It was the only sensible conclusion.

Dean opened his mouth, and closed it again. Expression of affection? He felt an odd shiver go through him, pooling somewhere in his groin. For a moment he wanted nothing more than to arrive forward, take Cas’s face in his hands, and kiss him like he deserved to be kissed.

Dean closed his eyes, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead, which was aching, a lingering effect of the weeks old concussion.

Cas didn't mean anything by it. Cas never meant anything by it. It has to be a testament to how beat he was that he'd even let himself think--

No. No, no, no.

He opened his eyes and dropped his hand. “Sure it is, Cas,” he said in a voice that he hoped belied everything that had just gone through his mind. It has felt like being in a dream, with Cas acting so uncharacteristically forward and the momentary certainty that Cas wanted the same things he did. But it was stupid. Dean was stupid. “I mean, uh, yeah. Hug away. Wasn't expecting expecting it, was all. You know, usually when you're gonna hug someone back you don't wait until five minutes later to do it.”

Cas once again stepped closer to Dean when he saw the hunter rub his head. "Are you injured Dean?" The Angel asked despite moving to find the answer himself. The mundane method provided little so Cas scanned him much the way an xray would- albeit with celestial grace instead of waves of energy. Carefully laying his hand where Dean's had been, Cas gave the slightest touch of his grace to sooth the pain while erasing all remaining signs of injury.

Castiel's heart hurt to see Dean in pain- even when it seemed that the Angel could do nothing right for the hunter.

His heart did entirely different sorts of contortion when Dean's voice softened for a moment. For just the briefest second, Cas imagined how wonderful it would be if he could offer Dean all the affection he held- and not just the small part that he did at the moment. Cas imagined many things in that one second and then he forced it all away again because those were ridiculous thoughts and Humans had very reasonable gender preferences and Dean liked woman.

Castiel could have either a male or female host- but the body he had now was no vessel. It belonged to him. It had been reconstructed for him. He had been human in this body- Cas could find no vessel that was better for him.

Taking what he could, he took Dean's invitation to hug away quite literally, swooping downwards to hold the blonde. "Yes- I am sorry for the delay. I was just quite surprised. I have made one friend who is fond of physical contact such as hugs- but otherwise there has been no one who I felt I should embrace in the time you were gone."

Cas stepped closer, asking about Dean's injuries. Dean had opened his mouth to say he was fine--there was no point in bitching about it and compared to a lot of the shit that happened to him practically on a weekly basis, he really WAS fine-- when Cas rested his hand gently on Dean's head and the pain faded away.

Dean jerked instinctively back. Angel mojo gave him the creeps on the best of days, and he hated being surprised by it. Even if it was Cas and he had to admit he felt about a thousand times better.

"Uh, thanks," he said belatedly, a few seconds too long after Cas dropped his hand.

And then Cas was hugging be him again, and Dean felt a hysterical urge to laugh or cry or maybe both. He reminded himself that Cas didn't know what he was doing, that personal space had never exactly been a strength of the angel's and Dean couldn't read into it. He extricated himself from Cas's embrace as gently as he could, patting Cas awkwardly on the shoulder.

Then the full meaning of Cas's words hit him, and he froze with his have still look Cas's arm. "Hold up. You made a friend. The hugging kind of friend?"

He wasn't jealous. He couldn't be jealous. For the sake of his sanity he couldn't be jealous. Cas could hug whoever the hell he wanted and it didn't matter that Dean wasn't special to him like that anymore. It didn't matter at all.

Cas tried not to feel hurt about Dean flinching away- he knew how the hunter felt about magical interference, angelic or otherwise- but he couldn't help but feel it like a personal slight. That Dean didn't even want the useful things Cas could do for him. Which meant that the role Cas could play in Dean's life was shrinking again- even if only slightly.

Not that Cas would stop healing the other man. As long as Cas could, he'd be there to patch Dean up. Even if he was human again and was forced to rely on more mundane methods.

The angel ducked his head in acknowledgement of the gratitude- that sounded remarkably hollow to his ears. Less a thank you- and more an obligatory response.

Though the way Dean's hand lingered on the angel's arm did all kinds of things to Cas's heart. The term 'palpitations' sprung to mind- to the point that he almost missed Dean's question. A question which Cas's mind desperately tried to interpret as jealousy- which was absolutely ludicrous. Even if it were jealousy, which it wasn't, how could Dean possibly think that Cas cared that way for anyone other than the hunter?

.... More easily than he had originally thought, he supposed, seeing as Castiel had never actually said anything to Dean about his feelings. For want of not making it uncomfortable for the other man. Though- perhaps it was something to think about.

Because even if Dean didn't feel the same way- Cas didn't think it would ruin their friendship. Perhaps put a temporary damper on it- but nothing permanent. Dean was a good guy- and tried very hard to be understanding of Castiel's eccentricities. Perhaps he would just accept Cas's affection as an extension of his Celestial Strangeness.

He would have to think about it some other time, for the time being, he had waited entirely too long to reply to Dean's question.

"Yes. His name is Chris, he is an excellent hugger- and is helping me find a way to lift the curse I am under. Seeing as I have acquired an extra two years before I will go rabid again- it seemed pertinent to take advantage of them.

"Chris the excellent hugger. Fuckin' awesome," Dean grumbled. The memory of finding Cas, and running up to him and embracing him only for Cas to stand there like a statue, was still fresh. That had been because Cas didn't want to come back with Dean, didn't want Dean to have found him at all. And now...

He forced himself to let it go, because he had to, because who Cas chose to get close to was none of his business and never had been. His hand was still on Cas's arm, though, and he couldn't bring himself to drop it. Like Cas was a lifeline, that could at any moment get swept away by some (no doubt very cool and very handsome) dude named Chris.

"But that's, uh, that's good," he added after a moment. He was fine. He just needed some sleep, was all. "The getting rid of the curse part. That's, uh, yeah. Good."

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed- he didn't understand why Dean was angry- he would have thought the other man would be happy for another reason to keep Cas busy and away. The small heart his body offered was racing in an attempt to comprehend. Was Dean... Jealous? It was utterly ridiculous to consider- Dean was straight and Cas really needed to remember that- but it certainly sounded like he might be.

Cas made a mental note to introduce the two- since Cas was confident that if Dean was jealous for whatever reason- like not wanting to have his friend stolen which was a ludicrous idea but seemed so much more likely than Dean being attracted to Cas- that meeting Chris would stop that in it's tracks. Still, he offered Dean a small smile- hiding how befuddled he was- and put his hand on the other man's shoulder. "Don't worry Dean- You aren't replaceable." Cas replied, hoping that would assuage the other man's fears.

And because if he made words come out of his mouth, maybe Cas would be able to distract himself from Dean's hand on his arm and how easy it would be to pull the hunter against him- and how close they were standing already. If Cas was maybe forgetting to breathe- well it was a good thing he didn't need to strictly speaking. "Yes. Hopefully we will figure something out. I'd appreciate your help if you would be willing." Cas replied, tips of his ears warming ever so slightly.

Cas sounded so sincere telling Dean he wasn't replaceable, and Dean felt better. It was stupid as hell, but he felt better. God, he was pathetic. He was still holding onto Cas's arm too, like the touch was a lifeline to something.

He pulled back, turning toward the fridge. "God, I need a drink," he announced, pulling out a beer. It was like 10 am in the Hub, probably. He didn't really give a crap. He hadn't expected to be bombarded by all of Cas's weirdness as soon as he'd come in the door, and it was taking way too much willpower to remind himself that everything he wanted was impossible and fucking ridiculous. Even if Cas was still on a sharing and caring kick. Alcohol would help.

"Of course I'll help," Dean said into the fridge as he fished out a Yuengling. He turned back to Cas, feeling a little less off balance as he used his ring to pop the cap off. "You know that, man. Tell me what you need and I'm there."

It took all Castiel had to hold back and let Dean pull away- He liked how it felt to have the hunter's hands on his body. Cas would have liked it even more if there hadn't been several layers of fabric between his skin and Dean's hand. Instead Cas took a deep breath and followed the other man with his eyes.

Cas winced slightly when Dean announced his need for a drink- especially since the man had never been hesitant to ask for anything- and the fact that he didn't tell Cas he wanted a drink meant that it was something that Dean only needed because of Castiel. But he held back the expression, such that when Dean was turned back around, Cas no longer looked like a wounded puppy.

His throat closed up ever so slightly when Dean didn't even hesitate to agree to help. Cas swallowed hard, flushing ever so slightly. "Thank you Dean. I knew I could count on you."

Dean took a long drag from the beer, then another one, closing his eyes as he willed the alcohol to hit his bloodstream faster. Probably should have gone for something harder, especially since Sam wasn't even around to make that judgy face, but in the moment he'd simply needed to pull away from Cas about as much as he needed thw alcohol and the fridge had been a convenient place to go.

I knew I could count on you, Cas was telling him, and Dean drank again before setting the bottle down with a clank. No matter how complicated or messy or pathetic his unrequited feelings for Cas got, Cas was pretty much the most important person in his life outside of Sam, and that meant Dean would drop anything anytime to help him. That was just being a good friend. Especially since he'd left for the quest right after Cas had come to the hub. He should have known Cas wasn't really better yet.

"It's no big," he said aloud, drinking again, starting to feel the edge of panic about whatever the hell had just happened fade away, replaced by a new surge of concern for Cas. "I mean, how bad is it now? I thought we fixed it, or that a Chris dude fixed it. Or Gabriel. Whatever."

Cas stayed exactly where he was, schooling his face into one of neutrality- it was obvious to him that Dean had put space between them for a reason. He let his mouth form the words he was too afraid to actually enunciate while Dean's back was turned- feeling as though the weight on Cas's shoulders grew with every step that Dean took.

Cas sighed, low so that Dean might not hear the Angel, and straightened up. Responding to Dean was easy, so Castiel focused on that. "The only reason it's not affecting me right now is that the witch in question isn't putting magic into the curse. So I'm still cursed, it just can't affect me for two years." Cas explained quietly, moving towards the other part of the counter while maintaining the same distance from Dean.

Cas pulled the pie from the cupboard and then from the box. "Chris says you will like this pie. That it is 'almost as good' as his sister's." He offered quietly, slicing a piece and setting it on a plate for Dean.

Cas slid the plate along the counter towards the hunter, very carefully not stepping towards him.

"So you're still cursed," Dean said, frustration building again. He hated when the people he... cared about... were hurt or suffering. Especially when there wasn't much he could do about it. On the other hand, it was something to think about that wasn't Cas's weird ass not-come ons, so that was something.

"You sure we can't just find this this witch and gank her now?" Dean added. "I mean, you know how I feel about witches."

Then Cas was sliding a piece of pie toward him. Dean looked at the pie, then up at Cas. "Uh... Thanks," he fumbled. "You, uh, you told Chris about me?"

Cas sighed slightly. "Unfortunately this specific witch is remarkably resilient. I do not know for certain if killing her would be enough to keep her that way. Rowena is almost a force of nature." He mumbled, not wanting to get into the fact that he would accept the curse again if it meant that Dean was freed from the mark of Cain. That Cas would happily let her curse him again for the sake of Dean.

Focusing instead on the neat slice of pie he cut Dean was much easier on Cas. Probably more comfortable for Dean as well. Cas perked up when Dean asked about Chris.

"Yes. Of course, you're my friend. Why wouldn't I?"