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Unexpected Angel
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#21
Lllllll
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#22
"It's...it's okay, Cas," Dean said, a little troubled, when Cas apologized again for responses Dean wasn't "ready" for yet. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean. It wasn't like Dean minded Cas being a little more pop culture savvy, or even his new thing for gay cowboys.

"The transformer?" Dean said blankly. "Nah, it was that guy at the nursing home, remember? You just...left to hang with him."

He wasn't that bitter. He really wasn't. Cas had always come and gone. That Cas had ditched him like two days after coming back out of Purgatory, it didn't mean anything. Dean wasn't that much of a whiny bitch. (Even if the thought of Cas leaving him in Purgatory and ignoring his prayers every night while Dean searched and searched still ate at him. He'd apparently been wrong about how much he meant to Cas and he just had to fucking drop it.)

Especially since it sounded like Cas was going to ditch him again sometime in the near future. "But I guess this Megatron dude was bad news, huh?" In any case, Cas looked pained and guilty at the reminder of the guy, and it made Dean regret saying anything at all. Cas was hurting and Dean had to keep his damn hurt feelings to himself.

"Hey, sleep is good," he said. His right hand, not on the wheel, twitched in an aborted movement to reach out and touch Cas again. He'd done enough of that, and the thought that Cas would only keep leaving him was making his gut twist uncomfortably. Then Cas started talking about chains. As much as Dean didn't like the idea, he trusted the angel. "You'll have to tell me what we have in the bunker that can hold an angel. And yeah, I'll stick around." The urge to wrap Cas in a blanket and make sure he was okay was nearly overwhelming, anyway. He managed a smile. "Long as you're with me, buddy, you'll be just fine."
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#23
Castiel sighed slightly- annoyed at himself for potentially disrupting the timeline as well as upsetting Dean. More for upsetting dean- but then that seemed to be the thing Castiel was best at it. The angel didn't like when he was apart from Dean- but he knew better than to think Dean wanted him around at all times.

Even the thought of that was enough to bring back the sting of being a human, lost and confused, and Dean turning him away. Castiel swallowed hard to try and draw his mind away from it- but it was a pain that was never going to go away. He wondered vaguely whether this was how the hunter felt about purgatory- Because Castiel knew that both of them had good reasons for their actions- he, trying to achieve a penance- and Dean, trying to protect his brother- and yet his sadness was no less.

Castiel knew better than to think that the hunter would feel as wounded as he himself had however- The depth of Dean's feelings for Cas ended at friendship.

He nodded calmly at the remarks given by his friend even as he wondered vaguely if answering would further disturb the timeline. Surely the Winchesters would eventually find the things in the bunker with or without Cas interfering. "Of course- there are also rooms that you can burn holy oil in to keep me contained while I sleep. It won't stop you from coming towards me but you know as well as I that no angel can cross it."

Castiel froze slightly when Dean finished his thoughts. Certainly the angel would rather the buddy statement be removed, but the statement otherwise rang clear to Cas' own thoughts about the situation. "I know." He replied quietly. "There is no one I feel safer with."
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#24
Cas sighed, then swallowed uncomfortably as Dean explained how Cas had left him, and Dean kicked himself. Obviously the angel didn't want to talk about that now. Dean had always been too needy, wanting people around him way more they they wanted him--his dad, Sam, Cas. And Cas, especially...

He cut off the thought before it could go any further. He knew, had known for a while, that what he felt for Cas went beyond simple friendship. It had fueled his desperate search through purgatory, and the loss he'd felt when Cas hadn't come home with him. But even if he had been reading or willing to acknowledge it, ever, that was even less what Cas needed from him right now.

When Cas said there was no one he felt safer with, though, Dean couldn't help but reach out and clasp Cas's shoulder again. It felt a little dirty, touching him when Cas had no idea how much he really wanted to be touching him. To put his hand on Cas's knee, even, while he drove. And considering Cas thought Brokeback Mountain was a good thing to watch with your buddy, there was a solid chance he wouldn't read anything into it either. But Dean wasn't going to take that chance. Instead he just gripped Cas's shoulder firmly, taking a slight liberty and letting his thumb massage Cas's well-muscled arm lightly through his shirt.

"Well do whatever we gotta do," he promised. As he spoke, the entrance to the bunker came into view, and soon he was pulling the car into the garage. "I'll get you set up somewhere while I find all that stuff, okay? Or, uh," considering Cas had just said he felt safe WITH him, "are you up to coming with? Might go faster if you can show me where all that shit is, anyway."

He might not be able to tell Cas what he felt, but it felt good to help.
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Supernatural-8th season?

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#25
Castiel had been becoming ever more and more tense as he sat around in this place- to have nothing major to fight against? To not even have a ghost to hunt? It was so abnormally normal that he was on edge. He startled ever so slightly when Dean's hand landed on his shoulder, before the tension drained from him. Right. It didn't matter how Cas wished there was more at the moment, at least Dean was there.

He nodded slowly along with Dean's words, standing up and climbing out as his answer. "I'd like to stay with you." Cas offered softly, already missing the warmth of Dean's hand. He started walking slowly to the entrance to the bunker, leading them all the way to where the chains were stored. Once he was loaded up with those Cas brought him to the hidden area with the devils trap and chains for demons.

"This trap has no effect on me obviously, however it has enough room to light a fire without damaging the walls. It may not be very comfortable for you though. If you would rather we can light the ring of holy oil outdoors- or you could perhaps a 'baby monitor' so you could watch over me while being somewhere more pleasant."
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#26
Dean winced slightly as Cas tenser up under his light caress, though he seemed to relax after a moment. Dean let his hand linger anyway. He hated seeing Cas like this, so tired and worn and jumpy—worse even than in purgatory when he’d literally been hunted—but he was limited to useless gestures of support that only seemed to make Cas jumpier. Fucking awesome. He hated being useless.

Cas led him slowly into the bunker’s stores, moving like he was still in pain. Dean resisted the urge to reach out and touch him again, though when Cas started piling heavy chains on his own shoulders, he did reach out for them. “Hey, man, I got those. Take it easy, okay?” He couldn’t stop watching him worriedly.

Then Cas took him to the dungeon, which he and Sam had stumbled across just a few weeks ago. The though of Cas being all tied up there like some kind of demon was sickening, but if Cas thought it was necessary...

“I’m staying,” Dean said firmly. “Come on, what else am I gonna do? Anyway, better to have me around if something goes wrong, huh, catch up on my soaps?” Plus Cas has said he didn’t feel safer with anyone else, but Dean wasn’t going to bring that up again, even though the thought made him feel oddly warm inside.

As they stood there, Dean frowned around at the dark, dank space of the dungeon. Cas was planning to sleep, but where? “You know, Cas, we do have beds in this place.”
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Supernatural-8th season?

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#27
Castiel may have melted a tiny bit when Dean took the chains from him to carry. It was just such a ridiculous gesture- Cas was many times Dean's strength- and yet the other man chose to carry the heavy objects so Cas wouldn't have to. It was things like that which made it so pointedly clear to the Angel why he had fallen in love with the human. "Okay." He responded, despite a mite of hesitance colouring his voice. He trusted Dean too much to wonder why he wanted the chains, but the Angel didn't want to burden him either.

Then Dean confirmed his intention to stay which made Cas immeasurably more comfortable - he had been chained up recently for a rather different reason, and while he had chosen this, he still wasn't thrilled about the prospect of it. "Thank you." Cas managed, voice surprisingly rough with emotion, knowing that Dean would not leave him to face this on his own. Also that Dean chose to be near him- something that the version in Cas's time no longer did, with the Mark of Cain affecting him.

He did raise an eyebrow at Dean's comment about beds. "Yes. beds made of object that can accidentally get lit on fire by holy flame. While I trust you to pull me out were such a thing to occur, it seemed prudent to me that we avoid that possibility as much as possible." Moving to sit in the center of the room he silently offer his wrists to be cuffed. "And I have slept in much worse locals."
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#28
Cas was ridiculously grateful that Dean wasn’t just going to dump him in the dungeon like a sack of shit and go about his business. It pissed Dean off, because it was seeming more and more like future-him was kind of a dick. Cas was obviously not in a good place and here he was acting like he thought Dean wouldn’t give a shit. “Of course, man,” Dean said quietly, wondering vaguely if it was possible to go into the future to kick his own ass.

Cas went to sit in the middle of the room, holding up his wrists for the cuffs. “Much worse?” Dean said skeptically. He took Cas’s hands, ignoring the slight shiver that went up his spine as he did, and looped the cuffs gently around his wrists. He made sure that they were tight but not too tight, then reluctantly let go. His fingers tingled slightly where he’d held Cas’s hands. He reflected that he’d spent way too much of his life watching people he lo—cared about locked up in some miserable, cold dark room while they sweated out something evil.

“So how long’s this gonna take?” Dean asked neutrally. He still hadn’t backed off from Cas to make the holy fire circle, and was instead kneeling awkwardly beside him. “Not that I, Uh, have somewhere to be. Are you sure I can’t get you, like, a blanket or something?”
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Supernatural-8th season?

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#29
Castiel almost smiled at Dean's assurance- it seemed a strange thing to do when asking someone to chain you up for what he imagined the hunter would call 'not fun reasons'- but the Dean of his time had recently been struggling with the mark of Cain, and had not so much time or care as to check in with Cas. "Thank you." He reaffirmed in reply- before deciding how best to answer Dean's next question.

Castiel pursed his lips ever so slightly- something someone who did not know him may not register- but Dean did know Cas and would likely pick up on it. With a sigh he ducked his head in response. If Cas had already gone off with Metatron in Dean's time- it would be too late to stop the chain of events so it should not be a problem to tell him this small bit. "There was a period of time in which I found myself without my grace- Human. I spent a time sleeping on the streets. It may be not physically more hard than this floor- but there is no rain in here. Nor am I vulnerable to such things." He explained softly, holding his hands steady as Dean fastened the cuffs. Partly because Cas was afraid to that withdrawing his hands even slightly would make Dean back away from the contact.

Castiel moved to chain his ankles when Dean did not- listening to his following queries. Cas offered a tilt of his head as he thought. "I do not know. I suppose after a few hours- or whenever I wake from my slumber if I do manage to sleep- if I have not had an episode it should be safe to remove the chains." He felt his mouth slip open slightly as Dean yet again offered comforts- Cas had forgotten how good the hunter was at caring for those who needed it. The angel offered the small smile he had been withholding earlier. "Thank you Dean- but your company is more than enough- and I imagine holy fire will be plenty warming." He added in an attempt at humour to disguise his very real desire to simply remain in Dean's presence.
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#30
Dean wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, exactly, but it hadn't been that. "You were homeless?" he snapped. All right, so he'd been getting the idea that future him was a dick, but this? There was absolutely no reason that Cas should have been stuck sleeping on the streets if Dean knew anything about it, and no way he couldn't have known. He laughed humorlessly, somehow feeling the familiar suck of guilt for something he hadn't even done yet. "I mean, what, me and Sam couldn't spare any of our hundred empty rooms in the bunker? Couple dollars for a motel? Maybe a fucking tent? And...what do you mean you were human?"

The last part hadn't registered until after, but it was hard to believe in a different way. He'd seen versions of Cas minus powers--during the apocalypse, in Zachariah's freaky alternate universe--but human was a whole other deal. Human meant-- it meant Cas was closer to Dean's level. Course, that didn't matter too much. There were a hundred reasons Cas would never return Dean's feelings and him being an angel was only one of them. Dean apparently not caring that he was fucking homeless was probably another.

Cas just kept calmly chaining his own ankles, like the fact that he'd been sleeping on the street was of no importance, then joked about keeping warm by holy fire. Dean winced. His Cas was disturbingly hard on himself--before he'd ditched them at the nursing home, he'd told Dean he wanted to kill himself over what had happened in Heaven--but he was seeing new levels of that now. Like Cas thought he was a burden or something.

Dean took a deep breath, gazing evenly at him. He was still kneeling where he'd been helping Cas with the cuffs. "Look. Cas. I'm serious. Future me fucked up. Obviously. And I'm sorry. But me, now-me, whatever, see, I actually give a shit. You want me to stay, I'll stay. But if you need anything else, you gotta tell me, okay? I'm kinda out of my depth here with all this whole angel spell shit but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna do everything I can to get you better. I didn't give up on you in Purgatory and I'm sure as hell not gonna let some witch get you now."
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#31
Cas gave a weak smile to his friend. Certainly at the time it had hurt quite a bit to know that Dean did not want him in his life- and it still had a certain sting- but he also knew that he did at least have reasons past a personal dislike of the angel. "You were doing it for Sam. I cannot tell you why- I can only tell you that you had a reason, and I do not blame you." He offered, withholding the fact that Dean could do many worse things- and in fact would do many worse things to Castiel, and the angel would still be head over heels for Dean.

Cas nodded in acknowledgement to the last question. "Yes- it should be too late to stop it from happening in your timeline- though I will not give you details in the off chance the events are changeable- but someone took from me my grace. I was human. Brushing your teeth is honestly much more complicated than I ever gave you credit for." He said with earnest eye contact, as he remembered how hard it was to learn such things without someone to guide him. "Also excrement- I do not think you can ever truly get used to the act of urination and defecation." He added before remembering that Dean seemed somewhat uncomfortable with such topics. "And laundry. I did not understand how hard laundry was. I had to throw out my trench coat. I wore a hoodie for several months."

Cas caught the next line of thought before he came out- some form of verbal avalanche that seemed unstoppable. He supposed it may be because he hadn't had much of a chance to discuss his period of humanity with Dean since it had ended- He hadn't really had much of a chance to discuss anything with Dean since he had acquired the mark of Cain. Avoiding a discussion of that matter, he hardly noticed the thoughts that Dean was having- though if Cas could know them, he would hardly disagree with the hunter's assessment. The angel did think he was a burden. Hell- he knew it. That mattered little to him now, it only mattered that somehow he was a burden that Dean didn't mind bearing.

Cas nodded at Dean's response, surprising the angel himself by leaning forward to rest his head against Dean's shoulder. "Truly Dean- I will be alright. I just need time to rest. Your company is all I need." And all he wanted- physical comforts meant nothing to him compared to time spent just feeling less alone.

Softly he added on. "And I'm sorry. For purgatory." Castiel said as an after thought, not entirely certain he had ever said as much to his friend.
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#32
That shut him up real quick. Dean had known for a long time that there were few moral horizons he'd refuse to cross for Sam's sake. Future him probably felt shitty about it, leaving Cas out in the cold, but Sam... Sam trumped everything.

Dean made a face as Cas started talking about bodily functions, though his change of topic didn't make Dean's frown lighten. It filled in Dean's mental image of Cas's apparent time on the streets in a way he didn't like at all-- not only had Cas been sleeping on the ground in the rain, but apparently he hadn't even had a coat to keep him warm or dry.

A rush of anger at himself returned. It was hard to imagine that whatever was going on with Sam could have stopped Dean from sending Cas enough cash for a motel room, or, hell, for a coat. Obviously, whatever had happened, Dean had fucked up. Let Cas down like he let down everyone he ever-- cared about.

"Whatever you say, man," Dean said. Not knowing what exactly had gone down or why, was nothing he could do to fix it. "I'm sorry."

Dean stiffened in surprised as Cas's head came down onto his shoulder. Without thinking about it (because his mind was still reeling a little), he ran his fingers gently through Cas's hair then let his hand drop to the angel's back to rub soothing circles. With his arm partly bracing Cas upright against him, it was practically an embrace with Cas's head nestled along his jaw, and he had to remind himself not to read too much into it. It was good that Cas was letting him help. That was all.

"Okay, then, good," Dean murmured as Cas reassured him that company was all he needed. "I'm not going anywhere. And--" he paused, because the thought of Purgatory still stung but he wasn't nearly petty enough to want to get into that now. Or ever. "--far as I'm concerned, you have nothing to be sorry for."
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#33
Cas quirked his mouth slightly at Dean's silence- He knew the man well enough to know that the hunter would always choose his brother first. Over Castiel, over Bobby, over his own mother or father, and last but not least, over Dean himself. That was something that left a small hollow feeling in Castiel's chest, because even when the two of them implied that the angel was like a brother- that he would never have any who cared so much about him. Certainly not one of his own siblings.

Then Dean made a strange bitter face and Cas quirked an eyebrow in confusion. He'd just have to leave the hunter to his own contemplation, especially as the enochian cuffs cut off his mojo. He couldn't read the hunter's mind if he wanted to. "You've apologized in my time already. And I have already forgiven you." He offered softly.

The moment Dean's hand came up to stroke his hair and Cas couldn't help himself but to relax into the contact. The hand on his back was also nice- soothing against his sore wings- and with the soft sound of his friend's voice near his ear, he didn't even notice his eyes closing nor his breath evening out as he leaned the rest of his weight against Dean's shoulder. Castiel was asleep before the Winchester had finished speaking.
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