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Shrek vs. Biker II
July 5th, Tag Jax Teller
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#1
Kaalth had spent the day after his operation resting in his room. He wasn't sure that he needed it, but Nala had insisted he needed to rest, an Kaalth hadn't argued.

But now he was back at work, and this shift he'd been assigned to work with the Terran who'd decked him, and managed to get him off balance and knocked down. Granted, if he hadn't been forbidden to brawl he'd have gotten up and beat the Terran senseless, but still, the guy had tried, so Kaalth had to give him some respect.

"Hey." he said, walking up to the Terran "Jaya told me I"m supposed to show you the ropes. I'm Kaalth, bu the way."
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#2
Well, the guy wasn’t speaking moonspeak gibberish today. That was one up on the other day, at least he would know why he was punching the guy if it came down to it. He hoped it wouldn’t. The guy was built like a fucking ape, and Jax didn’t like the idea of going up against someone like that again, particularly in a bar where he had a lot of friends. All it would take was this big guy grabbing him from behind, pinning his arms down, and then the rest of them were free to…

Shaking his head, Jax decided to not walk that particular trail along Memory Lane.

He thrust his hand out at the guy, nodding to him. Kaalth. He’d have to remember that, and hope that he was saying it right, these guys had the craziest accents. “I’m Jax,” he said. He didn’t acknowledge the fight the other day. The only reason to bring that up was if he thought he was wrong, which he didn’t, and if he wanted to rub it in the guy’s face, which he also didn’t. Easier to let it go. “You see much trouble in a place like this?” He had to assume there was a fair amount of people that were too handsy with the girls (without paying) and otherwise caused trouble, and that he’d get a good number of heads to smash.
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#3
"Good to meet you." Kaalth said, shaking Jax's hand and then letting go. Doing his best not to squeeze too hard, lest he damage the Terran. "Not that much trouble, but it kind of depends on who's working. If Jaya is on the floor, or one of the other Orion girls, we don't have much trouble. But if they're all off the floor, sometimes the guys who come in here get pissy, and then you have to deal with it, instead of letting one of them calm things down. Sometimes, if one of the alien girls is off the floor, doing something in private, the guy will get mean, and then we have to go in and bail her out. That doesn't happen very much, Jaya doesn't hire girls who don't know how to handle themselves."
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#4
Well, that was interesting, to say the least. So the girls could mostly handle themselves. That was reassuring. Jax had a bit of a vested interest in not letting anyone get hurt on his watch… again. All the same, part of it didn’t track with him. “They don’t call us in there just in case? We get hurt, that’s part of the job. Makes us look better, makes them look softer. They get hurt? That’s just bad for business. Might keep them from bringing money in, which means the house doesn’t get its cut.” Granted, some girls might not bruise, but for the ones that did… well, most guys didn’t want to mess with a girl who had a banged up face. Besides… they didn’t want people to be afraid of the girls. It shouldn’t get around that the girls were able to beat the living hell out of you, that kind of cut into some of the more far-reaching fantasies that some of the patrons might have.
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#5
"They still want us around." Kaalth clarified, at first not understanding the question "But its just for looks, not because the Orion girls really need us around to bust heads." when Jax started to repeat the question, it dawned on him that Jaya must not have told him about the effect that Orion women had on guys. He wouldn't have noticed on his own-Kaalth had learned how nose-blind people like Jax were pretty quickly. He wasn't sure how much he was supposed to say, but Kaalth figured Jax needed to know something, and it wasn't like he understood enough about the way it worked or anything to cause problems for the Orion Syndicate, even if Jax did start shooting off his mouth.

"No, the Orion girls, they aren't throwing down, or anything like that. They don't need to. Its because of the way they smell. They smell so good that if you're a guy, you just want to do what they want. Even if you aren't an Orion, and can't smell them, they still, I don't know how it works, but it still works. Like when you first showed up, and then when Jaya got there, everything just kind of stopped, and everyone was chill, right? Like that."
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#6
Well, now, this was interesting. That made the way Jax had reacted to Jaya that first time (okay, every time so far) make a lot more sense to him. He might not be from some crazy sci-fi world where aliens were normal and weird shit like this happened when you went across the street to buy smokes, but even he had heard of pheromones. In that light? The girls taking care of themselves made a lot more sense. They wouldn’t use force to do it or anything that might scare customers off, they’d use pheromones and the promise of sex to get the guys to do whatever they wanted. “Not all that different from women on my world,” he admitted. It was a pretty sweet setup, really. “All right, that makes sense. You said there are girls that aren’t like Jaya, though, so they’ll need us to do their heavy lifting if trouble starts.” Deprived of any super-pheremones, the other girls would have to put down any resistance, which was where the two burly bouncers came in, Jax was assuming. Hell, Kaalth might be able to do it by himself, big as he was, but no one could be everywhere, and numbers spoke a very convincing language all of their own.
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#7
"Really?" Kaalth said curiously. "Your world must be way different than most versions of Earth. Because, no offense, but most of the Terran girls I've met, its like flower made of plastic. All looks and no smell. But if your world is different, it'd make sense why you were all over Jaya." grinning as he spoke, enjoying the prospect of talking with another guy about women.

"Yeah, there are some of the girls who are Terran, like you, and then a couple of...what the heck are they called, Twi luks? Twee leks? Something like that. Anyway, they're the ones with the tentacle things on their heads. We've got to keep more of an eye on them, but Jaya doesn't hire anyone who likes to stir drama, or who doesn't know how to deal with the customers, so its still pretty chill."
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#8
“Well… all right, the whole smell thing, not so much, but the ‘using what we want to get us to do what they want’ part… that’s kind of women all over,” he said, shooting a grin back at the other guy. All right, maybe this guy was all right when he could understand him. He might even regret punching him like that last time if this kept up, but… well, probably not. How many of his friends hadn’t punched him in the face at some point, after all? These things happened.s

Jax didn’t know what kind of aliens Kaalth was talking about, but looking around the bar allowed him to spot one of them. Yeah, he could totally see a girl that looked like that having a problem keeping the rabble off of her if they were determined. “You must get a pretty calm sort of customer here, then, if no one starts any problems with the girls,” Jax noted. “I wouldn’t be worried about the girls starting trouble as much as I’d worry about the customers to be looking for it, that sounds a lot more likely.”
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#9
Kaalth laughed. This Terran seemed like an ok guy. Yeah, they'd had a rough introduction, but that happened sometimes, everyone knew that men had a tendency to brawl when there weren't women keeping an eye on them, which was one of the reasons why men needed women around to keep an eye on things. Still, it meant that a few punches between guys was no big deal to Kaalth. "Yeah, you've got that right. 'Course, the smart thing is to go along with it. If the women aren't happy, no one is happy, was what my Dad always used to say." he clapped Jax on the shoulder in a friendly way.

"Most of the time, they just want to come and drink and get laid." Kaalth said "If they want a fight, they go to one of the bars that doesn't have girls, like that weird one built into a giant tree. Plus when the Orion girls are around, they can keep the guys pretty mellow and blissed out. Like I said, sometimes they do make trouble, when the Orion girls are off the floor, but that is what we're here for. Most of the time, we're really to stand around, look tough and do the heavy lifting." he grinned "Well, I gotta learn to keep Nala happy, but that's my job."
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#10
If the women weren’t happy… Well, Kaalth had a point there. Everyone needed a woman to take the edge off of things sometimes, didn’t they? That was everyone’s weakness from time to time, from what he’d seen. How many of the problems in the last year or so before his last ride had been because of women? All of them, really, when you got down to it. If it hadn’t been for Tara, he wouldn’t have made a deal to go along with Clay’s worst ideas in exchange for getting out. If it hadn’t been for his mother, he wouldn’t have gone to war with the Chinese. “Maybe you just have to find the right women to be happy,” Jax said. “One thing I’ve learned? You’re never going to have all the women happy at the same time.”

Of course, Kaalth seemed like he still hadn’t learned the harder lessons regarding the more devious sex. “Which one’s Nala again? Need to make sure I keep my hands where they belong, y’know? No sense starting any accidental problems, right?"
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#11
"Well yeah, you have to find the right one." Kaalth said "I mean, if its gonna work out. Otherwise it'll suck. I gotta ask though, how do you guys know when she's the right one? Because for Orions, a lot of it depends on smell, because if a woman smells good, you know she'll be able to keep you happy. Like, the first time I smelled Nala, I just..." he sighed happily "I lucked out too, because she's also really nice and smart. And hot. Like, really really hot. And flexible."

"Nala, she's the one who-" Kaalth stopped, realizing that he'd been about to describe Nala in terms of a flower Jax had never smelled "She's the one with red hair, about so high" he touched a point a few inches below his shoulder.
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#12
How do you know? Now there was a good question. Jax thought about how sure he’d been about Tara, and just how far down the toilets everyone’s lives had been flushed because of the stupid shit she’d gotten him to do. How many people were dead now because of the mistakes that stemmed from her presence in Jax’s life? It’d started with Piney, which had led to that mistaken retaliation in Oakland, which got them in all kinds of shit that ended up with Pope’s daughter dead, Tig’s daughter dead, Opie dead, and Bobby dead. Kozik, Miles, Phil and V-Lin had been killed because of the cartels, which he would have fought against if he hadn’t been blinded by wanting to get out for her sake. Tara, his mother, Unser… the deaths just kept rolling in because of those mistakes. “Don’t think I’m the one to ask,” Jax admitted. “I’ve been terrible at choosing them. If the stuff they want you to do just isn’t you, though? Run. Run, and don’t look back. Or… I guess smell back, for you.”

Nala, right… he remembered the one with the red hair, thankfully that wasn’t a common color in this place. “Right, that one. Always helps to know who to stay away from,” he said.
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#13
For a moment, Kaalth looked at Jax, trying to work out if his implant wasn't working right, or if this was just one of those moments that Jaya had warned him about, when you were hit with the realization that the being in front of you was an alien. Because the idea of not wanting to do what your womenfolk wanted that was-like being told that water was dry, or that air was hard. The words made sense, but the meaning-Kaalth clapped Jax sympathetically on the shoulder "I'm sorry you had a rough time with your women. Maybe next time you'll have better luck." it was the only thing to say that wouldn't continue the massive confusion that was threatening to overtake him.

"Its ok." Kaalth said "Nala would tell you to get lost pretty quick. No offense or anything, but before we got together, she really wasn't that in to doing it with Terran guys."
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#14
“Well, there’s the lesson for you,” Jax said, shooting Kaalth an impish smile. “If your mom tells you not to marry a girl? Don’t do it. You don’t want to get in between two women who want to tear each other’s eyes out.” Not that he had to worry much about that anymore, being away from… everything now, but then again, Jax didn’t think there was going to be a ‘next time’ regardless.

His declaration about his wife’s tastes made Jax pause and give Kaalth a look, but then he shrugged it off. He’d heard hookers not want to screw guys of all color, he supposed that a green one not wanting to do a pink one wasn’t really anything crazy to think about. Not that it was really the point. Sure, she would say no… or Kaalth, at least, was going to convince himself of that like any husband would. God help all the guys who marry hookers or strippers or porn stars and then expect them to be faithful… right Ope? “Good to know, but I still don’t want to be that guy, right? I learned a long time ago that you don’t shit where you eat, and this looks like where I’ll be eating for a while now.”
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#15
Kaalth looked at Jax like he had announced that, after learning it the hard way, that he'd discovered that it was a bad idea to eat rocks. "Well yeah, no shit I wouldn't." Kaalth said "I mean, back in my day, your mom and grandma and aunts set everything up anyway, and if some chick wanted to just like, hook up with you without doing it right, it meant she was seriously shady but....I mean, even now, no one is going to ignore their mom. Not unless they're crazy. I mean, yeah, it isn't a thing for me, since I don't have family around here, but Jaya said she'd look out for me, so thats good enough. Besides, I know that Nala is the kind of woman my mom would have picked out for me. She's really traditional, and looks out for me, and she's really nice to me too."

He noticed Jax's skepticism, and said "Hey, you don't want to sleep with her because you have to work with me, thats cool. It'd be weird for me too, since I know you, not like the guys who just come in here for a good time. But it isn't like she isn't still working. She just doesn't screw humans, because now that we've got enough girls working here that she doesn't have to. So trust me, it won't be a thing." Kaalth still wasn't sure how he felt about that. He knew, intellectually, that sex with aliens was different than sex with an Orion. But emotionally it was harder, mostly because he was worried that the real Nala would find someone else and seeing her with other guys reminded him that back in that other universe, some asshole might buy her before he got the chance.
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#16
“Yeah, well, the one my mom liked didn’t turn out great either. Mom tried to kill her, too,” Jax countered. It wasn’t like Gemma had been easy to please when it came to women. He was pretty sure that she would have preferred that he just knock a few girls up, take the babies, and send them packing while he left her to raise her new grandkids. “My mom wasn’t exactly what you’d call straight in the head, so yeah. Telling her to stay out of it wasn’t a bad call.” And, of course, there was the fact that his mother was squarely responsible for touching off a gang war to cover up murdering his wife… “Knowing when she was right and when she was full of shit was pretty rough. I’m still not sure she was right on this one.”

At least, though, they were on the same page on the subject of Kaalth’s wife. He didn’t want it to look like the only reason he wasn’t nailing her was because he wasn’t her flavor of choice. You couldn’t trust a friend like that… and with that, Jax realized that this guy was probably going to be the closest thing to his brothers he’d have now. “You okay with that?” he asked as Kaalth described his situation. “My best friend… his girl did porn, screwing on camera, and it got him pretty twisted up. Kind of stupid, he knew what he was getting into, but… he had other problems, too.” It hadn’t been that long after Donna had been murdered, after all…
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#17
When Jax described what had happened with his wife-wives, apparently, and his mother Kaalth's mouth dropped open slightly as he listened, shocked. "Oh man, I'm sorry. That-that is some seriously messed up shit. I gotta ask, though, how did she manage to get away with it? I mean, didn't you have like, other women in your family who would have put a stop to that shit? I mean, back home, if there was one woman in the family who was flipping out, the other woman would have dealt with her. Of course, back in my day, the man just moved in with the woman's family, so..." he shook his head "Sorry, its none of my business, but that shit is messed up."

"I'm ok with it." Kaalth said "It'd be different if she was screwing around with another Orion guy, or if we were doing the baby thing, but yeah, I'm ok with it. Or I would be except-" he sighed "Ok, don't tell Jaya I told you this, but not all of the people here are real. Some of them are copies, like the buildings and the food and shit. The fake people are ok, but, its hard to explain-they're flat, and they don't-it just isn't the same. Ok, now *really* don't tell Jaya this part, but the Nala who is here, she's just a copy of the real Nala. The real Nala is back home, in Jaya's world. Doing, well, pretty much the same thing Nala is doing here. Unless some asshole buys her before Jaya can get back there, and fix it so I can get her. Seeing Nala working-it reminds me of that. That bugs me."
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#18
“Oh, you don’t know the half of it,” Jax confirmed. Yes, the shit with his mom was seriously, seriously messed up, and he hadn’t even scratched the surface of the evil shit that woman had done. The really messed up thing was that even after all the people his mother got killed, it had still broken a part of him to kill her… but really, in the end, what else could he have done? “I didn’t really have a big family, no one else knew how to keep her in line. Used to be that she knew how to be queen bitch and keep everyone on track, but when it came to her kids? Lady was kind of nuts.”

The thing about Kaalth’s wife was… difficult to wrap his head around, since there were so many problems with it. First of all, the fact that the ‘real’ Nala didn’t even know he existed… but he hoped Kaalth had thought of that one already. “Well, if someone else buys her before you get there, just buy her back?” Jax suggested, shrugging helplessly. “I don’t know, man, that’s… complicated, I guess. If you buy your wives, can’t you just take out anyone else that’s bought her if that happens? Steal her, maybe?”
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#19
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that, man." Kaalth said, patting Jax on the shoulder sympathetically. "It sucks that you didn't have a family to look out for you." not sure what else to say, the situation was fucked up, and made Kaalth very, very happy that he'd found other Orions, even if things were different than they had been in his day.

"I don't know." Kaalth said "I don't really get the whole 'buying your woman' thing. Back in my day, it was simpler, your mom just found someone she thought would be nice, and she gave you to her, and that was it. Now its complicated. I think I could just buy her, but I don't know. And she could be on the other side of the galaxy or something."
[hr]
"I'm sorry you had to deal with that, man." Kaalth said, patting Jax on the shoulder sympathetically. "It sucks that you didn't have a family to look out for you." not sure what else to say, the situation was fucked up, and made Kaalth very, very happy that he'd found other Orions, even if things were different than they had been in his day.

"I don't know." Kaalth said "I don't really get the whole 'buying your woman' thing. Back in my day, it was simpler, your mom just found someone she thought would be nice, and she gave you to her, and that was it. Now its complicated. I think I could just buy her, but I don't know. And she could be on the other side of the galaxy or something."
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#20
“Yeah, well, I made my share of mistakes too. If I was a smarter man, maybe things wouldn’t have been so bad.” Admitting your faults was always a good idea, he’d learned. Hell, that was a problem that ran in his family, didn’t it? How much could’ve been saved if his mom had admitted her mistakes? If Clay had admitted his? There was a tricky thought. He couldn’t think of the old man without a good deal of anger, but even still… that was the man that had, by and large, raised him. They hadn’t always agreed on everything, but they had loved each other, and in the end… well, in the end, Clay had taken all of the things he’d fucked up, and he’d owned them. He’d owned them to jail, and he’d owned them right into that shitty little office where he’d let Jax shoot him in the throat. How was Jax supposed to feel about that now?

Somehow, being dead might be simpler than all this.

“Man, your world? Sounds weird to hear about,” Jax said. “Sounds a lot like what mine used to be, just… backwards. It was the girls that were married off by their parents, not the boys. That kind of died out a while back, though. Kind of.”
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